#-WHILE ALSO BEING IN SEEMINGLY UNREQUITED LOVE

[lighthouseas]

malakai mitchell you have never done anything wrong in your life. get behind me

[estbela]

Me thinking about the fact that during the 19th and 20th centuries there were several proposals to unify romania and bulgaria, mostly made by bulgarians: alrighty, now how can I make this angsty

[wttcsms]

most noble ; kento nanami.

pairing��kento nanami x f!reader  word count 3.6k  synopsis your beloved knight nobly defends your honor by participating in a tourney to duel the man who insults you. he does not realize that the reward for his victory is your hand in marriage. content contains medieval royal au, knight!nanami & princess!reader, age gap (reader is 22/nanami is 29), longing!!! it's about the pining!!!, requited unrequited love, romantic tension, nanami being hopelessly in love but feeling undeserving :( author's notes omg can y'all just get ur acts together n marry each other holy shit (make me make a pt. 2, plssss)

Kento Nanami knows that he’s made a mistake, perhaps one so major that not even taking another professional role within the castle will be able to cover it up. Then again, it’s not like him leaving his post the first time around has resulted in any change. Maybe him leaving only to return back to your side once more is precisely the reason why he’s making so many mistakes.

For example, earlier this week, his fingers brushed against yours while handing you your tiara. Or, just before that, he found himself remaining only two steps behind you rather than the traditional three. And maybe he’s just paranoid, afraid that he’s being obvious and overly obnoxious in his displays of affection for you, but he did not earn the title of Head Knight of the Royal Guard for no reason. The king — your father — would not have bestowed such a prestigious title to a man who is not always proceeding with constant caution. 

To any visitor of the court, Sir Nanami is just another highly skilled knight, dedicated to protecting the princess. To Nanami, he is a lovesick fool trailing after you, failing to mask his true affections. 

No one sees through him, except for the one person who he so wishes were blind to his feelings. 

Easily excitable and sweetly endearing, you are the heiress to the throne and future ruler to citizens who adore you. It’s hard not to fall for your charm or the kindness that you bestow upon anyone who comes across your path. You’re considered to be the sun that shines over the kingdom, and Nanami knows of no star that shines brighter than you. 

But behind your youthful exuberance and seemingly carefree attitude is a highly perceptive young lady of the court. With your cheery smiles and laughter that seems to flow so easily and rings through the halls of the castle, it is easy to forget that one day, you will be queen, and that you have been raised your whole life to fulfill your royal duty. 

It is easy to remember this fact when you’re sitting atop your throne, staring down at him as he kneels. 

“You regret it,” you say, absentmindedly tracing the intricate designs carved onto the handles of your seat. You still haven’t learned how to stop moving your hands every time you’re nervous. It’s your only tell; for as well as you can read Nanami, he can read you even better. Your anxiety only causes him to tighten his jaw, his eyes focused on the lower half of your face because this is all his role allows him to do. He should not dare to look Her Royal Highness in the eyes; not at his lowly level in comparison to you.

You frown at his silence, knowing that he’s doing it to raise the barrier between you two. Four years ago, he hadn’t tried to shut you out so firmly, and every day since then, you have spent all your free time wondering why he wants nothing to do with you. 

The it you’re referring to could be many different things. “It” could possibly be him leaving his station as your personal knight in order to become one of the king’s advisors. “It” could also be referring to him returning to be your knight. Or maybe you’re talking about the kiss the two of you shared a fortnight before he decided to stop being your royal guard. The kiss that lingers on his lips, even to this day. He doesn’t even have to think hard enough to remember the wonderful feeling of your soft lips pressed against his own, or that saccharine taste of yours that is yours alone; no fruit, no candy, nothing has ever been able to mimic your sweetness. The kiss that never should have been. The kiss, the kiss, the kiss.

Maybe “it” is none of that, or maybe it’s all of the above. He knows you, and you’re not going to clarify because you believe that Nanami is a mindreader, and for the most part, he is. He knows what gowns you favor, and when you’re sleepy during court meetings, and he knows what order you’re going to eat the food on your plate. He knows where you go when you want to be alone (to the horse stables, to be with your beloved mare), and what your favorite tiara looks like, and that you snort when you laugh (but only ever in the presence of those you are truly comfortable with; only ever in the presence of him). 

He does not, however, know about his place in your heart. 

You wonder if he’s forcing himself to be unaware of your feelings for him. Sometimes, in the corner of your eyes and in your shadow that he follows, you catch him staring at you longingly, hopefully. With a type of reverence that differs from the one grateful citizens show you. This one feels… intimate. A look meant to be shared only with lovers. 

Lovers.

You had toyed with the idea four years ago, when you were eighteen and bright-eyed and much too hopeful for your own good. You craved romance and passion, and whichever suitor you came across, you always found them to be lacking, none of them comparing to Sir Nanami. And you knew, with girlish glee, that it is Nanami that you want. And then came that fateful afternoon in the gardens where you kissed him, and you swore that flowers started blooming on the bushes as a result. The birds were singing, and the sun was shining much brighter than ever, and you felt weightless. As if the inevitability of having to rule a kingdom was no longer a point of stress, and the burdens of your royal duty slipped from your shoulders and melted into the dewy grass beneath you. All that existed, for that brief second of bliss, was you and Nanami.  

And then, two weeks later, he resigned and decided to work for your father. 

His return had come as a surprise to you. During the years he stopped being your knight, you saw him only once a week, if the fates decided to bless you. For the most part, you’ve grown accustomed to only seeing his broad back or a flash of blond hair passing you by in the corridor. You wonder if he knows that he’s your first kiss — your only kiss. Surely he must. He’s spent a good portion of his life ensuring that your virtue was to never be tainted. 

“I do not know what you speak of, My Lady.” He says. He speaks so little to you now that you savor the sound of his deep baritone, the smoothness of how words seem to glide off his tongue. Nanami takes something so mundane as talking and turns it into an art. 

“You regret the duel.” 

And here lies the grand mistake that Nanami cannot figure out how to fix. He believes that being cold to you will perhaps dissuade anyone from assuming how closely he holds you to his heart (his act of emotional indifference towards you is so convincing, even you sometimes believe it), but he’s only human. He is a slave to his emotions — the utterly irrational ones, the ones that make him act a fool — as all men are. 

Nanami hadn’t intended on participating in the tourney. He’s nearing twenty-nine, after all. He’s reached the highest status any knight could possibly aspire to, and he no longer is a squire from a commoner family with something to prove. Tourneys are a thing of the past, a memory from his boyhood. 

But there are visitors from all sorts of lands who came down for this royal celebration. A lowly lord from a kingdom ruled by Mahito is precisely the type of scum that does a disservice to all men. Crass, vulgar, and entirely immature, Lord Shigemo has a dastardly reputation for never keeping his disgusting comments or filthy hands to himself. And while it was not his touch that threatened your very virtue, it was the perverted proclamations he kept declaring that had Nanami seeing red. 

“She’s a bit old for my liking, but I still bet her maidenhood is ripe enough for the taking. I’d love to see her bleed all over my cock.” Lord Shigemo snickers as he loudly announces this, his beady eyes staring right at you. He’s smart enough to not say your name, lest his head end up on a stake outside your father’s castle, but he’s dumb enough to not heed the warnings he’s been told. 

The princess is protected by the bravest of all knights, and the most honorable of all gentlemen. 

For that comment alone, Nanami is ready to unsheathe his sword and behead Shigemo, but he knows he cannot. There has been no direct threat to you, and Nanami has just enough restraint to remember that his anger cannot get the best of him. He is not to harm visitors to the kingdom, no matter how deserving of punishment they are, because maintaining peace between the lands is of the utmost importance. 

But the way your body stiffens and the almost sickly pallor of your face that occur as a result of Lord Shigemo’s verbal transgression is enough to have Nanami pledge his participation in the dueling tourney. He signs his name in the same competition bracket as Shigemo’s, and you’re pleasantly surprised when Nanami kneels down, asking for your favor and a blessing as he goes to represent your family. 

“And what has made you so keen on dueling now, hmm? Why, King Gojo has spent the better half of today trying to goad you into jousting with his knight.” You’re teasing him, eyes sparkling, your gibe gentle and without malicious intent.

You’re not trying to convince Nanami to not partake in the tournament. In fact, you take secret pleasure in watching his swordsmanship, even going out of your way to sneak into the training grounds and watch as he practices moves you’re certain he’s already perfected. For a man with so much muscle mass, he moves swiftly and with a sharp, quick precision that does not befit his firm build. 

“It is to defend my lady’s honor.” He curses himself for being so forthright with his intentions. He could have told you that it was to honor your family, and it would not have been a lie, but it wouldn’t have been said with the same strong conviction he speaks with now. It is not the king or any of your cousins that he is fighting for; it is just you, only you. 

Removing the brooch from your gown, you attach it to the cloth of his shirt that is soon to be covered by armor. It’s a dark blue gem, matching the color your house favors. 

“My most noble of all protectors. You have my favor, then, and all my prayers.” As you always do is the real ending to your sentence, but you fear that if you reveal too much, then Nanami will not be able to focus and give this tourney his all. You wonder if you should reveal the prize for winning, but decide against it at the last minute when he dares to look at you, a glimmer of the same affection from four years ago shining in his dark eyes. It’s a similar look to the one he gave you before your lips met his. 

The urge to kiss him again rises, your heart thumping against your chest, but all you allow yourself to do is smile at him.

The tourney itself is a quick event. Usually, it lasts far longer than the hour it takes up, and the gambling a tense, exciting affair. With Nanami entering at the last minute, most gamblers changed their bets to go all in on him winning, and for a good reason. He makes quick work of every opponent unfortunate enough to be paired with him, and the only time Nanami truly takes his sweet time is when he comes face to face with an anxious Lord Shigemo. 

Even toying with him doesn’t give Nanami much pleasure. Shigemo is a weak opponent, a poorly trained fighter, and a pitiful excuse of a man. Tired of his time being wasted, Nanami has the man shaking underneath the sharp point of his sword within seconds after deciding he is done playing these games. Even after being declared the winner of the whole tourney, an outcome he isn’t surprised at, he doesn’t feel any satisfaction. Flowers and handkerchiefs are being thrown at him as a show of respect and celebration, but only when he looks up into the crowd, his eyes focusing on your smiling visage, does he feel an ounce of pure happiness.

Before he can climb the steps leading to the showbox that houses all the prominent royal families, one of the tourney competitors stops to congratulate Nanami. 

“Lucky bastard.” It’s Naoya Zenin, Crown Prince of the neighboring kingdom. Nanami is glad he was not competing in the same bracket as the prince; not because of a difference in skill, but because wounding a Zenin’s pride was considered treason to them. 

“It’s just flowers.” Nanami says. He doesn’t understand what Naoya’s fascination with them are, but perhaps it’s the glory of being a victor that he’s envious of.

“Don’t be a fool.” Naoya scoffs. “We all know the real prize that every damn man was trying to claim.” 

Nanami is still confused. Of course, Naoya talks incessantly and most of the time, Nanami does not care what the Zenin heir has to say, but he did notice that there were far more competitors signing up for the tourney than previous years. Is there a monetary reward no one told him about? 

“So, how much for you to forfeit?” Naoya asks, completely unaware of Nanami's ignorance. 

“Pardon?”

He rolls his eyes, as if Nanami is some type of undomesticated animal, untrained to following commands. Nanami wishes he had been placed in the same bracket as Naoya now, treason charges be damned. 

“Never mind, then. I’m sure the princess herself will just make an announcement rescinding the reward.” Naoya smirks at the thought of that, and Nanami struggles to fight the urge to demand the prince stop being so cryptic and to just explain what the hell he’s rambling on about. Rescind what reward? 

A familiar head of pink hair pops up by his side, and Nanami immediately recognizes his young student. Eager Yuuji Itadori is smiling widely, happy for his teacher, and for once, Nanami is grateful that young Itadori does not know how to beat around the bush.

“Wow, congratulations, Sir Nanami! I had no idea that you wanted to marry Princess [Name]! Will you still be able to train me as Prince Consort?” 

Nanami’s blood runs cold. Oblivious to his mentor’s sudden anguish, Yuuji continues on. 

“Her Royal Highness was so kind to open the competition for her hand to any class. Of course, some people dared to criticize her and claim it’s because she’s becoming too old to be a maiden so she had to cast a wide net, but I know plenty of ladies who are unwed in their twenties. Will you still be her knight as her husband, or will that role have to go to someone else? Say, Sir Nanami, are you feeling alright?” 

You’re beaming with pride at your beloved knight’s victory, yet nervousness at watching him interact with Prince Naoya started creeping in. You start to relax when the Zenin heir walks off, but your peace of mind shatters when you watch Sir Itadori engage in conversation with Nanami. You watch his facial expression tighten, his body tense up, and you realize that Nanami knows. He knows that he has a right to be betrothed to you, and it dawns on you, from his poor reaction, that this is not the outcome he wanted. 

Which leaves the two of you here, alone in your throne room. Your father had found your idea of a tournament for your hand in marriage to be a silly one, but he had indulged you because you promised to be betrothed to someone at the end of it. By standards of the court, you’re much too old at twenty-two to remain unwed. 

You’ve been plotting ways to get Nanami to participate, even daring to consider commanding him to do so, but never has being a victim to malicious comments ever been as beneficial as it has today. Nanami signed up for the tourney by his own will! His words ring in your ear, looping incessantly as you watch him fight.

It is to defend my lady’s honor.

He does not know the effect that title has on you, at least when it’s coming from him. My lady. His. 

“If the idea of marrying me causes you so much ire, I will call off the betrothal at once and relieve you from your knightly duties, as well.” You do not want to do such a thing, but… You love Nanami. You love him so much that if it is your presence that pains him, you will take your leave now.

“No.” 

The word comes from somewhere deep within himself, throaty and raw, like it hurts to say it, but it had to be spoken. The fates demand it. 

“No?” You repeat, slowly, almost as if the word is something foreign to your tongue.

“Forgive me, my lady. I did not mean to speak out of turn.” 

“You do not want to leave me?” You say it softly, but it’s just the two of you in this room. Every word exchanged seems to bounce around the walls, ricocheting, hitting the both of you in the face. 

“Princess, it is not a matter of my wants.” Why must you torture him so? While he knows he can never marry you, there was a second of elation that excited his soul at the prospect of being your betrothed. He’s lived a rough life, his calloused palms and hardened heart proof of it. He hasn’t allowed himself to indulge in fantasies for quite some time, but you inspire just enough hope that it stabs him in his heart. Daring to dream of the impossible is a fool’s game. 

“Ask me what I want.” You say it firmly. He obliges. 

“What is it that you want, my lady?”

“You, Kento.” 

No title, no boundaries. You have spoken his name, and that sting in his heart, the harmful side effect of his hope, grows. He dares to look up just a bit more, his eyes staring deep into your own. 

All the walls Nanami painstakingly built to separate you two threaten to crumble right before his very eyes. His battlefield tact is of no use here. Had this been any other battle, he would charge forward with his head and sword raised high. Retreat is not an option for a soldier such as himself. 

So why does he flirt with the idea of fleeing now? 

“I am not deserving.”

“It hurts me when you say that.” And you say it with such a wounded look on your soft features that Nanami knows it must be true. 

“I am not even a lord.” He’s fumbling for an excuse, anything to convince you that marrying him would be a mistake. He finds your stubbornness endearing, but he must get you to understand that you will regret marrying him.

“I have no need for a lord.” You retort, almost scoffing at the notion.

“I am seven years your senior.”

“Much better than the suitors decades older than I.” 

“You must understand that I am not the gentlest of men. I am not built for care.” The tips of his ears turn red, a giveaway to his shame and embarrassment at the fact. 

“I am not fragile.” 

Stubborn. You are much too stubborn for your own good.

“I have tainted you.” He chokes out, staring you directly in the eyes. Showing his sins to the broad daylight filtering through the stained glass windows of this room. “I have stolen a kiss meant for your husband.”

“I kissed you! You have tainted nothing, you have robbed no one!” You exclaim, shocked at his misery. 

“And now I have stolen your fate.” He continues. “You should not wish to marry a man like me, and you will only come to regret this impulsive decision of your youth if you force this betrothal.” 

“Am I forcing you, Sir?” The title seems almost like a mockery, especially after you exchanged it for his given name just minutes prior. 

There is nothing Nanami can say that will change your mind, and he realizes this. He realizes the pure selfishness of wanting you to not change your mind, but he is stubborn as well. The tension in this room wraps around the both of you, binding you two together. It’s a battle of wills, now. 

Perhaps it always has been. 

“You will regret this, my lady.” This is what he says. Inside, he begs of you, please do not regret me. 

Satisfied at seemingly having your way, you settle into your throne, leaning back. 

“So noble of you to want to save me from what you consider a dastardly fate, but I shall be the judge of that.” 

And thus, the engagement period begins.

[mrs-kmikaelson]

Our Song and Dance²

Pairing: Finnick Odair x reader Summary: You'd grown used to dancing the same dance over and over again, the victor's dance, but then you start dancing with Finnick Odair and you feel things you never thought you'd feel. So you let yourself enjoy the dance, even though you knew that every song inevitably came to an end. Warnings: not as long as before but still long, murder, violence, death, exploitation of minors, mentions of forced prostitution, psychological "games," unrequited love, complicated relationships, suicidal tendencies (technically), complex mental health issues, and i make up small details ab smaller characters and some names (pls lmk if i missed anything) Words: 9.2K

Masterlist | Part 3

a/n: i just want to thank you all so much for the support! i was definitely insecure about this, but seeing all the love rlly makes it so worth it! this one is completely catching fire, then the next one is all mockingjay. hope u enjoy! also finnick and y/n's song is def american pie.

“Let The 75th Hunger Games begin. May the odds be ever in your favour.”

Ten seconds later, a cannon fired and you were immediately jumping off the pedestal into the water. Once upon a time, you were a swimmer. This was your edge. You were good in water, as was Finnick, so your worry for him eased. 

You swam until you reached rock, climbing on to it and running along the path like your life depended on it because it did. Once you were at the Cornucopia, you ran for your sword, grabbing it and then swiftly pivoting to stab the person coming up from behind you like it was instinct—and it was.

Your mind didn’t have to fully be there; your body knew what it was doing. You’ve danced this dance already, and you’ve perfected it. You stabbed another man from behind, letting him fall to the ground when you pulled your sword away. You grabbed throwing knives, running to find Finnick, and you caught him at just the right moment.

Katniss had just drawn her arrow when you came up from behind her, bringing your sword up against her neck. Alliance or not, you’d slit her throat if she posed a threat.

“Careful, Everdeen,” you warned, making her tense.

At that moment, Finnick held up his forearm, flashing his bracelet. He smirked, completely unbothered, and taunted, “Good thing we’re allies, right?”

Her breath was shaky but her voice was still menacing. “Where did you get that?”

“Where do you think?” You retorted, still holding the blade close to her skin.

You watched as the amusement on Finnick’s face disappeared, his gaze being directed away from you. “Behind you.”

You quickly moved your sword away from her neck without cutting her, spinning and bringing it down on another guy’s neck instead. You turned back to a gasping Katniss, ignoring her state that was much like the one you were just in. “Don’t trust 1 and 2.”

Cannons fired as Finnick walked around you. “I’ll take this side. You go hold them off,” he told her.

You nodded. “I’ll find Peeta.” You didn’t walk far before you spotted him, shouting, “He’s over here!” All three of you ran over, finding him in the water against a pedestal, fighting off a tribute.

Finnick jumped into the water, swimming over while Katniss drew her arrow, seemingly waiting to get a good shot, but then both boys were submerged underwater. She brought her arrow down, breathing heavily as a cannon fired.

You waited in anticipation, a body floating up to the surface. For a second, you thought the kid died, but then he emerged out of the water, panting, and you both let out a breath.

The look on her face as she thought Peeta died was more convincing than any other performance you watched them put on, more convincing than the kisses, and the engagement, and the sweet interviews. Whatever was going on between them, you knew now that it wasn’t all fake.

Seems that you had more in common with the Girl on Fire than you thought.

You glanced over at the island, seeing the sets of Careers standing together, forming an alliance as they usually did. Katniss noticed this, too, so as soon Peeta and Finnick were out of the water, you all went running in to the jungle.

This was a Quarter Quell. There was more to it than just changing up the reaping; the entire arena was special. The Gamemakers were sick. You knew that you were in for a hell of a ride.

Right now, you just had to keep running. You could worry about food and water when the time came, and you’d find Johanna eventually. She was smart; you knew she wouldn’t be one of the first to die.

You ran and ran until Finnick called for you all to stop, crouching down to make a game plan. It turned out that you were gonna need water a lot sooner than you thought with how hot it was. At least freezing to death wasn’t something you had to worry about.

Katniss stared at you and Finnick quite obviously. You weren’t sure if she was trying to be discreet or not; you weren’t sure if she knew how to be discreet at all. The firing of the cannon made her finally look away.

Even though you were just running for your lives, a smirk still made its way onto Finnick’s face. “Well, I guess we’re not holding hands anymore,” he chuckled. You snorted, but Katniss wasn’t as amused.

“You think that’s funny?” 

You narrowed your eyes, answering before Finnick could. “I don’t know what you think this is, Everdeen, but in case you failed to notice, it’s kill or be killed out here.” You pointed to your ear. “Every time that cannon goes off, it’s music to my ears. We don’t care about any of them.”

Her jaw clenched. “Good to hear,” she quipped, pulling a machete out of its sheath on her back. You scoffed at her pathetic attempt to threaten you.

“Look, you wanna face the Career Pack alone? Be my guest. It’s your funeral,” you shot. “Besides, what would Haymitch say?”

“Haymitch isn’t here.” She stared straight into your eyes and you stared right back at her, unblinking. In your peripheral, you saw Peeta glancing between you.

“Let’s keep moving,” he interrupted, standing up, but you didn’t look away from Katniss until she stood up first.

Once you were up and walking, Finnick put his hand on the small of your back, probably to calm you down. For some reason, he insisted on working with them, so you’d just have to stifle your urge to argue with her.

Eventually, though, you knew you would be doing a lot more than arguing. If Katniss and you were as alike as you thought, then you knew that she’d stab you in the back for Peeta, the same way you would for Finnick.

The actual tributes in the arena weren’t always what you had to worry about. You were reminded of this when Peeta hit the wrong branches and went flying backward, sending you all with him.

A wall where he hit was revealed, like a glitch, before it was replaced again with the glamour of the jungle. A force field, you realized. Then your attention was drawn back to Peeta by Katniss’ cry of his name.

You shuffled over to them as Katniss panicked. “He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing.” Finnick rushed over, pushing her out of the way.

She instantly reached for her bow, going to grab an arrow, but you shoved her arm. “What the hell is wrong with you? He’s saving his life,” you snapped. Her hand fell, realizing you were right as she watched Finnick give him CPR.

She looked like she took a moment to collect herself and then she crawled over. “Peeta? Peeta?” She cried. Finnick grunted, switching between compressions and mouth-to-mouth, continuously checking for a heartbeat that wasn’t there. “Please wake up. No,” she sobbed, “please wake up.”

For the first time since The Games began, you really did feel bad for her. If you were in her place, you didn’t know what you would do.

Just as you thought Peeta was dead, he gasped back to life. Finnick moved back, letting them have their moment.

“Be careful, there’s a force field up there,” he breathed.

She tearily chuckled, leaning in to kiss him. You and Finnick shared a look. Katniss was kidding herself if she didn’t think she loved him. You tuned the rest of their conversation out. Peeta could’ve died, just like that, and Katniss would’ve probably fallen apart.

You knew that if Finnick died, you died, too. You couldn’t let that happen. You had to protect him.

Little did you know, he was thinking the exact same thoughts about you.

Once Peeta could stand, you were all back on your feet, looking for freshwater while simultaneously trying to spot where the force field started and ended. After Katniss did a little experiment with an arrow, you figured out that the arena was a dome. You just so happened to be at the edge.

Didn’t matter, though, because there wasn’t a sign of freshwater anywhere. Since you couldn’t satisfy your need for water, you’d just have to compensate with your need for sleep.

“It’s getting dark soon. We’ll be safe with our backs protected. We should set up camp,” Finnick suggested. “Take turns sleeping. I can take first watch.”

Katniss gave a little scoff like he was saying was absurd. “Not a chance.”

You stepped forward, so fed up and desperately wanting to give her a reality check, but Finnick held a hand up, signalling for you to stop. The only reason you did was because you saw the look on his face. As much as you wanted to tear Katniss a new one, you’d much rather watch him do it.

He stood up, sticking the end of his trident into the ground. He was calm, but annoyance laced his voice. “Honey, that thing I did back there for Peeta? That was called saving his life. If I wanted to kill either of you, I would’ve done it by now.” He picked up his trident. “Same goes for Y/N.”

Then he walked off, and you followed soon after hearing Katniss say something to Peeta about taking the first watch. If you were just watching The Games, then maybe you’d feel a little more compassionate towards her, but you weren’t watching. You were in them with her.

Your compassion sort of needed to disappear to ensure your survival, so all you were was annoyed. But she was a pretty good archer, so having her on your team didn’t hurt, unless you were counting how she was a pain in your ass.

However, your annoyance was quick to fade as you fell asleep, tired, hungry, and dehydrated.

When you woke up, it was to the sound of Panem’s anthem, pictures in the sky of the tributes that had died. Most of them were people you previously had conversations with in the Capitol, yet some of them were still people that you killed.

You couldn’t be friends with everyone in an arena.

You counted eight pictures in the sky. So there were sixteen left, including you four. If you were still mentoring, you would’ve probably been reflecting over how quickly those lives could just come to an end, but you didn’t have time to stop and think about the cruelty of life.

Your thoughts were directed away from the dead by a chime. You looked up to see a silver parachute, slowly falling to the ground. Katniss opened the silver casing, revealing some sort of metal tool and a note from Haymitch. You quickly identified the tool as a spile.

The three of you brought it to a tree, waiting to see if it’d work. Peeta came and found you not long after. You were just staring at it, praying for water. If there was a God, they answered, because water came pouring out of the spile like it was a fountain.

You were so relieved that you laughed, drinking and splashing some on your face.

After that, you were the one taking watch as everyone slept. Every year when The Games came, you had trouble sleeping more than a few hours each night. Now that you were back in the arena, you really couldn’t sleep at all. You’d make sure you got an hour every day, just to keep yourself sharp, but otherwise you’d prefer to let Finnick sleep and watch over him, anyway.

You were all startled by a loud banging, almost like an alarm. The only reason you could think of for its presence was to signal that it was midnight, but you were still confused. There were never alarms in any of the other Games. But, like you’d already figured out, this year was different.

Right after the alarm, you watched as lightning repeatedly struck the same tree in the distance. Nature didn’t work that way, and there was nothing natural about The Games, anyway. It wasn’t a coincidence, but you just couldn’t figure out what its purpose could be.

You spent the rest of your watch trying to put the puzzle pieces together, trying to figure out what the catch was with this arena, but you couldn’t make any of the pieces fit. You didn’t have enough. Katniss tried to stay awake, still distrusting of you, but she eventually succumbed to slumber, leaving you to yourself.

She hadn’t been sleeping long when you heard a different sound. You turned your head, seeing grey mist slowly crawl its way over to you. Your brows furrowed.

There were no natural occurrences in an arena.

You reached your hand out, like you were testing the waters, but you should’ve known better. As soon as the fog made contact with your skin, you fell backward, a scream leaving your lips. Your cry woke everyone else up. 

Finnick immediately ran to you, but you shouted, “No, run! It’s poison- the fog is poison!” Either he was stupid or brave, because he ignored your warning and ran to you anyway, helping you up as quickly as possible before you followed Katniss and Peeta, doing your best to run, but the fog was following you, too.

It was harder to run fast in this part of the jungle. All of the branches and plants kept getting in your way, but you weren’t stopping, helping Peeta cut whatever was in your way.

You could’ve been running as fast as humanly possible, but the fog still would’ve caught up to you. It wasn’t nature at all. It was intended to kill.

You had to change directions as it suddenly appeared in front of you, too. It was like it was encasing you. Somewhere along the way, Katniss and Peeta ended up running on the path parallel to you. You skidded to a stop as you heard Finnick scream. Your eyes widened. “Finnick, come on. We’ve gotta go!” You ushered him forward, and then he went running to Katniss and Peeta who came to a stop, as well.

When you got there, Peeta was groaning on the ground, blisters all over the side of his face. “I can’t carry him,” Katniss panted. “Peeta, please, stand up. We have to go.”

If you could carry him, you would, but he’d crush you if you tried. Finnick was in no condition to carry Peeta alone, so you slung one of his arms around your neck, telling Katniss to get the other. “Finnick, go. Get ahead of us.” You motioned for him to go forward.

He looked hesitant, and in any other situation, he wouldn’t, but none of you had the time to argue, so he listened and ran forward, taking Peeta’s blade and cutting the branches in your path.

The three of you cried out as the fog hit the backs of your necks, but then you were all rolling down a hill that you couldn’t have noticed in the state you were in.

You were whimpering on the ground, so consumed by the pain that you almost forgot that you were supposed to be running. You turned over and, to your surprise, the fog didn’t come any closer, travelling upward instead of forward, like it hit a wall. And then it just disappeared altogether.

You let out a shaky breath, resting your head on the ground before you were reminded of where you were. Resting wasn’t an option. You’d rest when you were dead, and you weren’t gonna speed up that process.

So you crawled over to the lake a few feet away from you. This was a gamble, but you had to take some risks if you wanted to survive. Cautiously, you stuck your hand in the water. This elicited another scream from you, but the pain in your hand slowly faded as the blisters were practically washed away. 

“The- the water,” you stuttered, “the water helps.”

As Katniss and Peeta made their way over, you pushed yourself into the water, moaning at the pain. Tears leaked out of your eyes, but after a minute or so, the excruciating pain subsided to just a sting.

When you were both okay, Katniss and you got out of the water, dragging Finnick over. As soon as the water touched his skin, he was screaming, trying to fight against it. “Shh, shh,” you hushed, holding him down. “It’s gonna help.” You ran your fingers through his hair, and a few more tears fell down your face, even though you weren’t in pain anymore.

Not physical pain.

But watching him struggle like this was a pain you couldn’t help.

You and Katniss helped him as he shivered while Peeta went and got your weapons. You stayed in the lake even after all your blisters were gone, just cooling off and getting yourselves together.

In The Games, your physical came first, but you wanted to keep an eye on mental health or at least not let it get to a point where it’d affect your body. Though, you supposed there was no healthy mind in The Games, and there certainly wasn’t after a victor left them.

Annie was an example of a worst case scenario, but you knew this because you lived it, too.

Finnick’s hand found yours as you sat together, holding it tightly. This was his way of making sure you were still there. Your way was putting your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.

After a while, though, that steady rhythm was interrupted and his heart started beating faster. This caused you to look up, and when you did, you were met with the sight of apes coming toward you.

Katniss grabbed an arrow while you and Finnick slowly stood up, bracing yourself by readying your weapons. You glanced around, seeing that they were coming in from all directions. Fucking Gamemakers, you thought.

You realized you could see the Cornucopia from where you stood, so all you had to was fend them off and make it there.

Suddenly, one jumped at Peeta, then the rest of them got up from their perched positions. Katniss was firing arrows left and right while you and the boys slashed away. If one got too close, you stabbed it.

Katniss was pulled underwater by one, but you killed it before she ran out of air. There were too many to just kill all of them, meaning you had to start running for the beach.

Peeta and Katniss both fell, so you ran to help her while Finnick went for Peeta. You stabbed the ape in front of her, grabbing her hand and taking her running with you. When you reached them, there was someone lying on the ground that hadn’t been with you before.

“Who is that?” Katniss questioned, but you recognized her by the face paint.

“A morphling,” Peeta responded, pulling her up. “Help me get her!”

You let Katniss help him while you helped Finnick get the apes closest to you, taking off as soon as you could. You both stumbled, rolling onto the beach, but the apes didn’t go farther than the edge of the sand. You held your blades out at them, but it was like you really didn’t need to.

You were reminded of the fog and it how was stopped by an invisible wall, the same way these monkeys looked to be stopped by something. 

A cannon fired, and they retreated into the jungle. You swallowed, turning to see Katniss and Peeta leaving the water, the Morphling left floating dead. Like clockwork, a hovercraft came in, picking her up like she was an object.

You scoffed. Just when you thought you couldn’t think any lesser of the Capitol, you were proven wrong.

When Peeta spoke up, his voice was both defeated and confused. “She sacrificed herself for me and I didn’t even know her name.”

“Her name was Trayne,” you cut in, making them both look at you, but your eyes were focused on the hovercraft taking her out of the water. “Trayne Carter.”

They both paused, absorbing that. It was like, for the first time since you entered the arena, you were reminded that these people weren’t just your opponents. They were people that had lives.

Just like you.

A look then passed over Katniss’ face as she turned to Peeta. “You think she sacrificed herself?”

“Looked like it.”

Your brows knit together while she voiced your thoughts. “That doesn’t make any sense.” It didn’t, but you had a long list of things you had to make sense of and more pressing matters at hand, so you couldn’t busy yourself by thinking about it.

Finnick found fish that was edible, so you all sat in the shade and ate for the first time since before The Games started. This time, you were the one to reach out for his hand, holding on to it like you’d die if you let go.

You were pretty much in silence until a scream sounded from far away but close enough that you could hear it. You let go of Finnick’s hand as Peeta remarked, “That’s new.”

You all stood up, grabbing your weapons. In the distance, there was a rumble. Something was rustling the trees ahead of you. When it got closer, you realized that something was water. The wave came crashing past the trees and into the water, stopping once it hit the Cornucopia.

Like it couldn’t go past it.

Cannons fired, and the hovercraft returned, picking up bodies from the jungle while you all watched, captured by the sight. You were broken out of your trance by Katniss drawing an arrow. “Someone’s here.”

Her and Peeta ducked while you and Finnick waited to see who it was. It took you a moment since they were covered in blood, but you soon realized who it was. You let out a sigh of relief. “Johanna.” You jogged over to them. “Johanna!”

“Y/N?” She laughed as she saw you and Finn. Her tough exterior came down as she went to hug you, like she was just as relieved to see you. Once she let go of you, she even hugged Finnick.

You glanced, identifying that the people she was with were Beetee and Wiress, then looked back at her. “What the hell happened?”

Katniss and Peeta came over just as she started explaining. “Well, I got ‘em out.” She gestured to them. “We were all the way deep into the jungle where I thought it was gonna be safe.” A humourless smile arose on her face. “That’s when the rain started. I thought it was water. It turned out to be blood. Hot, thick blood.”

You narrowed her eyes at her explanation. Fog, apes, waves, blood rain. There was some sort of connection there, you just couldn’t grasp it.

Wiress came over, looking lost, mumbling, “Tick tock.”

“It was coming down-”

“Tick tock.”

“-it was choking us.” She scoffed. “We were stumbling around, gagging on it, blind.”

“Tick tock.”

“That’s when Blight hit the force field.” She exhaled, shaking her head as Wiress continued to mumble. “He wasn’t much, but he was from home.” You reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder.

You understood what she meant. You’d felt the same feeling before, when the male tribute from district 4, Bay, died during your Games. You didn’t always know the person you were going in with, but you became bonded by the experience. That loss was unlike anything you’d ever felt to this day.

Wiress kept going on in the background, making you glance at her. “What’s wrong with her?” you finally asked.

“She’s in shock,” Beetee replied, coming out of the water. “Dehydration isn’t helping. Do you have fresh water?”

“Yeah, we can get some.”

“Tick tock. Tick tock.” You turned to see Wiress had grabbed onto Johanna’s shoulders. “Tick tock. Tick tock.”

Johanna grabbed onto her forearms, trying to get her off. “Listen- stop it!” 

She had pushed her onto the sand when Katniss yelled, “Hey, lay off her!” She went and shoved Johanna, making you rush over.

You shoved Katniss away from her, pushing her hard enough that she staggered backward. “Back off, Everdeen!” you warned as Finnick held Johanna back from retaliating, but she shouted back.

“What’s wrong with you?! I got them out for you!” She struggled against Finnick. “Let me go, Finnick!”

Peeta came over to help balance Katniss. Her eyes were wild, like she wasn’t the one who instigated this. “For me? What does that mean?”

The question wasn’t directed at you, but you responded, anyway. “I don’t know and I don’t care, but you better watch it, Everdeen.” You stepped forward, looking her right in the eye as she stared back challengingly. You lowered your voice. “You’ve played with fire before, but I am telling you right now, I will light your ass up the next time you try me.” She opened her mouth to say something, but you cut her off, “Don’t underestimate me again.”

You walked off before you could hear her reply. If she said another thing to you right now, it was highly likely that you’d do something you would or wouldn’t regret. You weren’t gonna test it.

You decided to take Wiress into the water and help her clean herself up to calm down. She smiled at you crazily. “Tick tock.”

You sighed, “Yes, tick tock.”

“Tick tock.” She repeated herself over and over again, reminding you so much of Annie. Wiress was one of the smartest people you had ever met, yet she was reduced to this every time she was in a bad situation. She won her Games through a loophole, and in turn, that loophole sucked her in until she was too deep to get out.

As you rinsed her hair, she gasped, “Tick tock. Tick tock!” Immediately afterward, lightning struck the tree in the distance, the same tree as the night before. You tilted your head. The tree, fog, apes, waves, blood rain. Wiress looked up at you. “Tick tock.”

“Tick tock,” you echoed, eyes darting around the arena. The tree, the fog, the apes, the waves, the rain.

“Tick tock.”

“Oh, my God.” You cupped your hand over your mouth in shock. “It’s a clock.”

“Tick tock.”

You pulled her out of the water, engulfing her in a hug. “Wiress, you’re a genius!” When you let go, you ran with her to the others. “It’s a clock!”

They all looked to you. Finnick furrowed his brows. “What?”

“It’s a clock!” You pointed to the Cornucopia. “The arena is laid out like a clock!” 

Peeta came forward. “Holy shit.”

You ran your hands threw your hair, all of the puzzle pieces falling into place. “It’s, um- there’s a new threat every hour. They- they can only stay in their wedge, though.” You pointed at the tree. “It starts with lightning, then blood rain, fog, monkeys- that’s the first four hours. Then at ten, that big wave hits.”

Finnick chuckled slightly under his breath. “Wiress, you’re a genius.”

Peeta then cut in, suggesting you all get to the Cornucopia, so that’s what you did. Just as you were getting there, he pointed out, “Look, the tail points to twelve.”

Katniss filled in the blank. “That’s where the lightning strikes at noon and midnight.”

Wiress sat down on the rocks, singing to herself while the rest of you gathered around Peeta who mapped out the clock in the sand and what you already knew.

You crossed your arms. “Okay, what else?” You turned to Johanna. “Did you guys see anything?”

She snorted under her breath, “Nothing but blood.”

Peeta replied, “Doesn’t matter. As long as we steer clear of whichever sector is active, we’ll be safe.”

You shook your head. “Yeah, safe from nature.” As if you jinxed it, Wiress gasped immediately after you spoke. You turned so fast you could’ve gotten whiplash, in time to see Gloss pulling a knife out of Wiress’ neck.

Katniss worked fast, shooting him in the chest, but he wasn’t working alone. Right after, Cashmere came running at her. Johanna pushed Katniss out of the way, embedding her axe into Cashmere’s skull. 

The other half of the Careers revealed themselves, Brutus throwing staffs at you that you narrowly dodged. Katniss’ arrow missed Enobaria as she threw a knife at Finnick, grazing his arm.

“Bitch,” you swore, throwing a knife of your own at her head, cursing again when it hit her shoulder instead. You went running after her, chasing her around the Cornucopia, but you suddenly lost your footing. 

Gamemakers.

The island spun around. You grabbed onto the rock as best as you could, digging your nails into it so hard that they started to bleed. You were determined to stay alive, to keep Finnick alive, but your hold wasn’t strong enough. A scream left your lips as your fingers slipped. Finnick yelling your name was the last thing you heard before you went flying into the water.

Once upon a time, you were a swimmer.

You never thought you’d die by drowning.

And you refused to let that be the way you went out.

You fought hard against the current, using all your force to get above water. You gasped as you surfaced, taking in a large breath of air and coughing as you swam to the rock closest to you.

“Y/N!”

Finnick came running over to you, pulling you up and crouching down to your level. He ran his fingers through your hair, eyes darting all over your body with concern. “Are you okay?”

You coughed, nodding, and then he immediately embraced you tightly. His heart was beating just as fast if not faster than yours. For a moment, you couldn’t hear anything but that beating. You couldn’t hear the water, or the birds, or anyone else around you. You couldn’t even hear the music.

It was just the two of you.

And then that moment ended far too quickly.

Johanna brought you back to earth, heaving, “Let’s just get what we need and get off this bloody island.” You nodded against Finnick’s chest, letting him help you up. You muttered to him that you were fine, but he completely ignored you, helping you walk.

He was good, you thought. You would’ve been good together, in another life. It would’ve been nice to have been loved by this man, but life was never so kind to you.

You made it back to the beach, sitting on the sand under a tree. You weren’t relaxing like before; the time to relax had passed. You were nearing the end of The Games; it was time to plan for survival.

“So, besides Brutus and Enobaria, who’s left?” Katniss asked.

You looked right at her as you answered, “Maybe Chaff. Just those three.” You maintained eye contact with her, knowing that she was thinking the same thing as you. It wasn’t just those three. It was also all of you, sitting here.

Alliances always came to an end in the arena.

You knew Finnick must have caught onto this, but he pretended not to. “They know they’re outnumbered. I doubt they’ll attack again. We’re safe here on the beach.”

Safe for how long? you wondered. Even if the three of them were killed by the horrors of the jungle, you still wouldn’t be safe. None of you would be, as long as you were together.

“So what do we do? We hunt ‘em down?” Johanna questioned, looking to all of you for an answer of some sort, but before any of you could formulate one, you heard a girl scream.

A little girl.

“Katniss, help me!”

Katniss shot up immediately. “Prim!” You remembered that name from the year prior. That was her sister. Your eyes widened, trying to stop her, but she was up and running into the jungle.

You ran after her, hearing the others follow suit. “Katniss! Katniss, stop!”

She was running so far ahead of you that you almost lost sight of her, but you found her stopped, shooting down a bird. “Katniss!” She turned to you, breathing heavily. “Are you okay?”

Before she could even respond, you heard your own name being called. “Y/N!”

Your head shot up, eyes wide. Katniss was trying to talk to you, but it was like her voice was muffled to you. “Y/N-”

“Mom?”

“Y/N, it’s not real-” 

It was almost like Katniss wasn’t there at all. You ran farther into the jungle, screaming, “Mom?!”

Katniss was shouting your name, but the only voice you could hear was your mother’s. “Y/N!” Katniss ran in front of you, grabbing ahold of your shoulders. “It’s not her! It’s just a jabberjay-”

You cut her off, shoving her away. “How do you think they got that sound, Katniss? Jabberjays copy!” Her eyes glazed over at your words, and then a new voice joined the mix, making her shake her head fervently. 

Whatever she was saying now, you could barely pay attention to it, hearing someone else call your name, the voice of a person you never thought you’d hear again.

“Bay?” You gasped. Tears came to your eyes. It escaped you that Bay was dead, that you held him in your arms as he died. All you could focus on was just how real his voice sounded.

Jabberjays swarmed around you, the voices now louder than ever. Katniss grabbed your arm and you, not there, let her drag you away, running away from the voices instead of toward them.

Your mother’s and Bay’s voices mixed together, screaming your name, your mother who you hadn’t spoken to in years and the boy who you let down. You screamed, too, trying to drown them out, but they were too loud.

Soon, Johanna, Peeta, and Finnick came into your vision. They were saying things, but they fell upon deaf ears. You couldn’t hear anything but the screams.

You hit a wall, banging on it. Finnick stood on the other side, trying to speak to you, but you couldn’t hear it at all. The dam in your eyes broke, tears running down your face like a waterfall.

You sunk to the ground, hands on your ears, sobbing.

“Y/N!”

“You killed me!”

“No, no, no,” you wailed, but they weren’t stopping.

“You killed me, Y/N!” Bay.

“You broke my heart.” Mom.

“I’m dead because of you!” Bay.

“I lost my daughter.” Mom.

“It’s all your fault.” Bay.

“You’re a monster.” Mom.

“You killed me.” Bay.

“You’re not my daughter anymore.” Mom.

“You’re a killer.” Bay.

“I don’t ever want to see you again.” Mom.

“You killed me.” Bay.

“You deserve to die.” Mom.

You don’t know when they stopped. You still heard the echoes of their voices in your head when they were gone. “Y/N!” Someone touched your shoulder, making you flinch. “It’s done. The hour’s done- it’s okay.”

You shot up, seeing Finnick right next to you. “My mom? Where’s my mom- Bay. Where’s- where’s-”

He grabbed your shoulders. “They’re not here, Y/N. It wasn’t real.”

You panted, shuffling back away from Finnick, but he didn’t let you get far, pulling you to him. You tried to fight against it, but he wasn’t letting up. Eventually, you gave up trying to fight, letting him hold you. He pet your hair, whispering to you.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

You let the sound of his heart calm you down. It wasn’t real, you told yourself. Bay was dead. Your mom was okay. Finnick is alive. That’s what mattered.

After a few moments, you got up, Finnick watching you wearily. Johanna didn’t say anything, shooting you a look. You knew what she meant. You nodded, telling her without words that you were okay. You had to be okay. She nodded back.

You looked over, seeing Peeta still calming Katniss down on the ground. “Okay? They won’t touch Prim. Alright?” She shakily nodded, collecting herself.

“Your fiancé’s right. The whole country loves your sister.” You looked back to Johanna, seeing her standing on a rock. Her voice was both assuring and bitter. “If they tortured her or did anything to her-” she paused, chuckling, “forget the districts, there would be riots in the damn Capitol.”

She glanced to you and you saw the sheer fire in her eyes. Oh, you’d give anything to burn down that city with Snow in it.

“Hey, how does that sound, Snow?” She shouted, looking up to whatever cameras were in the sky. “What if we- what if we set your backyard on fire? You know, you can’t put everybody in here.” She turned back to you, seeing you all staring at her. “What? They can’t hurt me.” She shrugged, her voice was lowering as she looked to the ground. “There’s no one left that I love.”

You knew that Katniss and Peeta couldn’t have known the true depth of her words, but Beetee did. Finnick did. You did. Anyone watching at home- they couldn’t have understood. They must’ve thought she was crazy, but did any of them have even the slightest idea of who you all were? Did they know that she wasn’t always like this, that they made her this way? You were kids and the Capitol stole your innocence like it was nothing. For you and Finnick, they did it by selling you, and for Johanna, they did it by killing her family.

It may not have been fair to call Katniss lucky, she lost a lot, but at least her sister was alive. At least she still had a family. At least she wasn’t completely dead inside, like Johanna. Like Finnick. 

Like you. Johanna ended up walking off, giving the excuse that she’d get you both water. You all made your way back to the beach after that. You sat there, staring off into the distance. This place could’ve been beautiful, you thought. But now blood had been spilled all over it.

What was beautiful about that?

You didn’t have all the answers. Right now, it felt like you didn’t know anything. All you knew was that the man you loved was alive, arm wrapped around you, heart beating. Did he know that he was the only “sure” thing you had? Did he know how much you loved him?

It felt like you were supposed to tell him. You were gonna die soon; The Games would come to end, and so would your life. It felt like he was supposed to know. If you were gonna die, then shouldn’t he at least knew how you felt about him, how in love you were with him?

The answer you came to was no. You weren’t gonna complicate things—God knew this was already complicated enough, this thing you had. You didn’t have time to learn new steps to the dance. You just wanted to let the music play and dance until you couldn’t dance anymore.

You had been sitting there for a little while when Katniss broke the silence. “Who’s Bay?” You turned to her, but she wasn’t looking at you, staring at nothing like you were.

“Katniss-” Finnick tried to interject, but you stopped him, putting your hand on his without looking at him. If you looked him in the eye right now, then he’d be able to tell just how broken you felt. He could read you so easily. You didn’t want him to read you right now when you didn’t have the energy to fake it.

You didn’t want him to see you getting ready to die.

You weren’t exactly Katniss’ biggest fan, and she wasn’t yours, but here you were, sitting together in the same arena. She was you. She was you before everything got bad, worse than it already was.

Soon, you wouldn’t be allies anymore. Soon, one of you would die. So you’d bring down the mask, just for a second. Before you ended up on different sides, you’d show her that you were just like her.

“Bay…” you faltered, “I guess I didn’t know him all too well. Lived in the same district for fifteen years, but I never even spoke to him before we were in that arena, and by then, it was too late.” A burning sensation grew in your throat. “He died in my arms. He- he was gonna take the money from winning and take care of his parents, make sure they didn’t have to worry. He didn’t get to. So I did. I took care of ‘em- didn’t even dent my pockets.” A humourless chuckle left your lips. “You know, my mom and I don’t talk anymore. Says I’m a different person, and she’s right. So, sometimes, I think Bay was just better off.”

Katniss finally turned to you. She didn’t say anything- she didn’t have to. You saw the look in her eyes; she understood. But you wished she didn’t. You wished that nobody had to understand. You wished that Johanna didn’t understand, that Finnick didn’t understand. You wished that you could’ve all just been kids for a little while longer.

That’s when you got up, walking over to where the sand met the water. You wanted to admire this place before you were gone.

You heard someone walk up behind you, immediately knowing it was Finnick.

His voice was quiet, even though you were far from everyone else. “You never told me about Bay’s parents.” If only he knew all the things you didn’t tell him. 

But you didn’t say that. Instead, you just said, “I know.” He didn’t say anything else after that, wrapping arm around your waist and pulling you to him. You stared off into the distance together, just like those cold nights at the Capitol you spent together.

Sometimes, saying nothing with him was the equivalent of saying everything. 

Sometimes, it was better than saying anything.

You hadn’t been standing there for too long when Johanna came over, telling you guys that Beetee had a plan. You joined the others, listening to him explain how he wanted to lure the Careers to the beach then electrocute them as lightning struck the tree at midnight.

It was risky, and it all counted on the Brutus and Enobaria being at the beach in the first place, but you supposed it beat going into combat with them. You could take them if you needed to, but if there was a plan you could implement to avoid that, then you would.

If this plan worked, then the Careers would die instantly, leaving only the six of you in the arena. But only one of you would walk out, and it had to be Finnick.

Despite how the two of you had been at each other’s throats, you didn’t want to kill Katniss. You didn’t want to kill Peeta, the boy who reminded you so much of Finnick. You didn’t want to kill Beetee, who had made you laugh so many times you were at the Capitol. And you certainly didn’t want to kill Johanna, who was perhaps one of the only friends you had.

You hoped it wouldn’t be you, that you wouldn’t be the one to kill them. You didn’t want to kill anymore. You just wanted this to end.

You were so consumed by these thoughts that you missed the looks Finnick and Johanna shared and the look Beetee threw their way.

By nightfall, you were back in the jungle, making your way to the lightning tree. Beetee said something science-y, then you got started, wrapping the wire he invented around the tree.

“Typically, a lightning strike contains five billion joules of energy. We don’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity when this hits,” he said, finishing one last wrap before walking over to you, coil in hand. “You three girls, go together now. Take this. Unspool it carefully. Make sure the entire coil is in the water. You understand? Then head to the tree at the two o’clock sector. We’ll meet you there.”

You nodded, grabbing the coil as Peeta cut in, “I’m gonna go with them as a guard.”

You snorted, “What, golden boy, afraid we can’t protect ourselves?” Even in the dark, you could see the redness climb up his neck. “Don’t worry, your fiancé’s gonna be fine.”

“She’s right. They can protect themselves just fine. You’re staying here to protect me. And the tree,” Beetee dictated.

You glanced between Katniss and Peeta, spotting hesitation in both of them. It was happening, you realized. They were already moving to the other side of the board.

“No, I need to go with her.”

“There are two Careers out there. I need at least two guards.”

“Finnick can protect you just fine on his own- Y/N and I could trade places.”

Katniss now spoke up, “Yeah, why don’t Johanna, Finnick, and Y/N stay with you and Peeta and I’ll take the coil?”

“You want to face the Careers by yourself?” You narrowed your eyes. Katniss looked to you, trying to maintain an unwavering expression. “You do realize that you’ve only been at this a year, right? Not only that, you’re from 12. These are people who trained their whole lives just to kill.”

Katniss didn’t have a response, just as you expected. Finnick must have caught onto the tension, questioning, “Is there a problem here?”

Beetee responded speedily, “Excellent question.” Katniss looked back to him, and you knew that she knew her fight was over. She was out of her depth here.

After a second, she replied, “No. There’s no problem.” Not yet, but knowing her, there would be one soon. You and Johanna waited for her to say her goodbyes to Peeta before getting ready to go.

You were walking away when you suddenly came to a stop. You passed the coil to Katniss, then walked back to the tree. Finnick’s brows raised as you beelined for him, but then his eyes just closed as your lips met his.

The music was louder than it’d ever been, like it knew that the beat could drop any minute now. This kiss was equal passion and softness. You kissed him like you’d never get do it again, and that could very well be true. He kissed back just as passionately, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to him.

You knew Finnick didn’t love you. You knew he had a girl waiting for him back home, but if you were gonna die, then you just wanted to do that one last time. You wanted one last kiss from your one true love, even if you weren’t his.

When you eventually pulled away for air, he still didn’t let you go, resting his forehead against yours as you both breathed heavily. “I- I need to go now.”

He ran a hand through your hair, opening his eyes to look into yours. “I’ll see you at midnight?” You smiled, hoping he didn’t see how sad you were.

“Yeah, I’ll see you at midnight,” you said, knowing how probable it was that you wouldn’t.

Then you walked away.

The jungle was dead silent except for the sound of your footsteps and crickets. All you had to do was get to the beach, then get as far away from it as possible. You wanted to meet Finnick at midnight.

But that wasn’t gonna happen.

Katniss suddenly stopped. You looked to her, seeing her trying to pull the coil to no avail. “There’s something…” She pulled it again, and then the wire snapped.

You saw Brutus, knowing Enobaria couldn’t have been far away. You pulled your sword out of its sheath while Katniss drew an arrow, but before either of you could do anything, you were falling to the ground, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Your head spun. You didn’t need to see it to know that you were losing blood—you could feel it. Get up, get up, get up, get up, you chanted, but it was as if your limbs were frozen.

You heard Katniss scream. You mustered up the strength to turn you head, seeing Johanna leaning over her, cutting into her arm. She shushed her, then looked up and cursed under her breath.

“Both of you, stay down,” she grit out, then she threw her axe at targets you couldn’t see, running away from you both. She did this, you realized. For some reason, you were shocked, but didn’t you always know this would happen? Didn’t you always know that you’d end up against each other in the end?

Didn’t you already know this would end in your last breath?

You did, but you still found yourself questioning: was this it? Was this how you died? Did Johanna just leave you to die?

Suddenly, you could hear Finnick, screaming yours and Johanna’s names. You wanted to scream back, to tell him you were right there, but it was like your mouth couldn’t form the words.

This was it. This was how you died.

You’d been preparing for this since the Quell was even announced, but you just weren’t expecting it, not yet. There were still people left.

At that thought, it was like the world stopped. 

There were still people left.

You couldn’t just leave Finnick to fend for himself.

You shot up as if you had just been doused in cold water, reaching beside you to feel that your sword was still there. Your eyes searched for Katniss. She was just right next to you, but now she was nowhere to be seen. You didn’t even know that she left.

You shakily stood up, dots dancing around your vision the same way you were. You still had dancing to do.

A cannon fired, and you started running, screaming Finnick’s name, not caring if alerted anyone of where you were. You ran faster as you heard the sky booming.

Soon, Finnick came into your vision, Katniss not far from him, aiming an arrow up to the sky. 

And then you saw nothing.

The last thing you remembered was being blasted backward, sparks everywhere, lightning.

And then the music stopped.

When Finnick woke up, it was like he almost forgot where he was, and then he remembered what happened. Katniss shot an arrow at the force field.

He ripped the IV out of his arm, pushing past the aching in his bones and sitting up, looking around. Katniss and Beetee were lying down in front of him, still asleep. He furrowed his brows. There was no one else.

His eyes darted around the room, looking for you, looking for a sign that you were here, but he couldn’t find one.

“Y/N?” His voice echoed in the empty room. You didn’t answer.

He got up, calling your name louder. “Y/N?” Still no answer. 

This was impossible. You had to be here, you had to be on the hovercraft somewhere, you just had to. His mind went to the worst case scenario, but that couldn’t be. You had to be here.

He went for the first doors he saw, expecting to see you on the other side, but he was only met with Haymitch and Plutarch. His heart beat faster now. Where were you?

He ignored Haymitch completely, turning to Plutarch. “Where is she?” It should’ve been an easy answer, but the Gamemaker had an expression that Gamemakers rarely had. Sympathy. 

No. This can’t be happening.

He stepped closer, venom in his voice. “Where is she?”

Haymitch intervened. “Finnick, maybe you wanna sit down-”

“Where the fuck is my girlfriend?” They both gave each other a look that infuriated him even further. “Is someone gonna tell me where she is or are you two just gonna stand here all day?”

“Finnick-”

“Where is she, Plutarch?”

The greying man stared at him like he was hesitant to speak, which was saying something, because Plutarch always said whatever was on his mind. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, like he was trying to calm down a rabid animal. “Her tracker was never removed-”

“Okay, so where is she?”

“We couldn’t get her, Finnick.” His ears rang.

They couldn’t get her.

“We couldn’t get Johanna and Peeta, either-”

All of a sudden, Finnick charged at him, but Haymitch quickly went and stopped him, holding him back. “You said you’d get her out! You told me she was gonna be safe!”

“Calm the hell down, Finnick!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk!” He pushed himself out of Haymitch’s arms, turning and glaring at him. “Katniss is here! Of course, you’re calm- my person is still out there!”

“She’s still alive.”

“Yeah, for how long?”

Plutarch cut in, “They won’t kill her, Finnick. They know how valuable she is.”

“You don’t have to make someone’s heart stop to kill them, Heavensbee,” he spat. “If anyone should know that, it’s you.” The Gamemakers were creative. He knew that the Capitol would spare no expense to hurt you.

After what they did, rebelling like this, you’d be the one to answer for it. Even though you didn’t know a thing about it.

“Listen, kid, you need to calm down now.” Haymitch looked at him with hard eyes. “You need to pull it together. When Katniss wakes up, she’s gonna be confused and angry, just like you. We need her. If you want any of this to mean something, if you want any chance of ever seeing your girl again, then we need her. So you need to cool it.”

Finnick ran a hand through his hair, mind moving seventy miles per hour. The Capitol had you. They had you. You were supposed to be here, and they had you, and he didn’t even get the chance to tell you. There was so much to tell you, and what if he never got that chance again?

Haymitch was right. If he wanted to see you again, to have that chance, to ever dance with you again, then he had to pull it together. He had to be strong.

For you.

“Okay, what do you need me to do?”

Your death was always expected, at least it was to you. When you pictured an ending in your head, this was it. You knew it was coming. What you didn’t expect was ever waking up again. 

But you did.

Your eyes opened to a dark room, fluorescent lights flickering on the ceiling. This wasn’t the arena, but you’d soon learn that you didn’t need to be in an arena to play a twisted game. 

Am I alive? you wondered.

Your question was soon answered. No, you weren’t alive. You were in Hell.

Because, sitting in a chair across from you, was the Devil himself.

President Snow smiled. “Hello, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“It appears that you and I have a lot to discuss.”

Taglist: @avoxrising @mxacegrey @littleshadow17 @lovelyteenagebeard @nasyanastya @catastrxblues @zodiyack @zulpix-blog @mushroomelephant @muggies

[untilwedont]

Aren’t I The Greatest?

pairings; jj maybank x m!reader

genre; angst

unrequited love w/ JJ

~~~

why the hell did I just see full blown boobs in the gifs 💀

~~~

everyone told you JJ wasn’t as warm-hearted as he deemed to be. It should’ve been obvious based on all his past hookups- hookup with them then completely ghost them afterwards. But when he had confessed his feelings towards you, you thought things would be different. That’d he’d actually stick around— and he did.. for the most part.

He tried loving you. He wanted to start something new instead of just constant hookups, which is why he brought you into his life. Except, JJ was so obviously not cut out for a relationship..

for the first couple months, his love for you was through the roof. You couldn’t have been more happier..- until you weren’t. Over the past few months, his love for you had seemed to drain. That sparkle in his eye for you just seemingly went away, no matter how hard you tried to get it back.

—~

looking at yourself in the mirror, you put on a seductive outfit, in hopes of getting something out of JJ. You stared at yourself for a good couple of minutes, taking in your features— the dark bags slowly forming under your eyes from constantly staying up all night.

In these times, you felt the most lonely. The boy you once loved— and still do, was falling out of love with you.

with a small sigh, you walked out the bathroom, over to where JJ was, which happened to be the kitchen. “J, do you think this outfit looks nice on me?” You asked, a little hesitantly as you walked up to him. You tried being cute, but instead of a smile or a compliment, JJ eyed you up and down. “yeah, you look fine.” He said blankly, giving you what was barely a smile before walking off.

you frowned, looking down at the floor, biting your lip. God, all that work and yet he still couldn’t care about seeing you naked- or at least half naked. After a minute, you walked back to your shared bedroom, throwing off clothes you had on. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you ran your fingers along your face, up to your hair. Tears threatened to fall out as you stared down at the floor, wondering what went wrong.

—~

though, this was just one of many failed interactions you had with JJ..

—~

Your anniversary with JJ had been coming up. It was a year of being together, and though your guys’ relationship was rocky, you still made it an effort to get him a gift..- in hopes that he’d get you one as well.

you admired the ring you’d gotten JJ, both your initials carved into it. You covered the ring back up before heading off to find JJ. After a while of looking, you managed to find him near the beach alone, sitting down on the sand.

you hid his gift behind your back before walking up to him. “J?” You called out softly, seeing his soft blue eyes head to the sound of your voice. “oh, uh.. hey.” He said, getting up from the sand to face you. He stood there awkwardly and quietly, waiting for you to speak. After realizing he wasn’t gonna say anything you, you spoke up. “do.. do you know what day it is?” You asked, hopeful, but also had a doubtful feeling he’d know.

“erm.. monday..?” He asked, a bit confused and unsure. You frowned, but quickly smiled a little once more. “no, silly.. its our anniversary..! remember?” you replied, finally revealing the gift you had behind your back. “and, i got you a little gift.” you said, with a smile and hopeful eyes.

“o-oh.. uh, yeah.. yeah, I remember.” He said with a small cough, scratching the back of his neck. “well, here.. I got you a gift to show my love for you!” You said, holding the gift out, waiting for him to reach it. “oh.. uhm, thanks..” he said, giving you a half smile before taking the gift from your hands. You smiled with anticipation, waiting for him to open the gift. “I.. I hope you like it.” You said as he opened the gift, taking the ring out.

“yeah.. its uh.. its great, m/n.” he said, not bothering to put the ring on, instead storing it back where he grabbed it. “I uh.. didn’t get you anything.” He spoke. He fiddled a little with his hands, his demeanor off- like he didn’t want to be around you. “o-oh.. its okay!” You said, although you felt your heart dwell. “Being with you is a gift itself.. I really hope you know how much I love you, J..” You said, trying to keep the mood bright.

“yeah.. same here. Listen, i uh, gotta go. I’ll see you later, m/n.” He said rather quickly, giving you another half smile before walking away, not leaving you a chance to speak. You look at him as he walked away, your smile dropping as you tried to stop yourself from crying.

all your love and patience being wasted on a man who couldn’t bother to reciprocate those feelings. all your hardwork to try to keep the relationship going continues to be unappreciated. and yet, you continue to stay. In hopes that one day that spark he had for you will come back.

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

My Two Cents On The “ Is David Tennant Queer” Drama

As some of you know, I spent a solid third of the past year working on a movie-length video essay about David Tennant. This video essay features an eight minute section titled “Gender, Vulnerability, and Why David Tennant Is A Queer Icon”, which does not speculate on David’s own sexuality, but discusses the queer coding and subversion of gender norms in plenty of his roles and his importance as an ally to the LGBT community. At the same time, I was also coming to terms with my own identity as nonbinary and bisexual, and it ended up playing a crucial role in me finally working up the courage to come out to my parents. Characters like Crowley and the Doctor, both in terms of how they present themselves and how and who they love, have been absolutely instrumental in me developing my queer identity, and my comments section was full of people who had had similar experiences, who’d realized they were trans, nonbinary, gay, etc thanks to David and his characters. And as a result, I won’t deny that if David himself were to be queer, it would mean a lot to me.

Do I think David is queer? It’s certainly possible. I see a lot of how I express my queerness in how david chooses to express himself, most prominently through his frequent queer coding of characters who don’t necessarily have to be played as such. This can especially be seen through his Shakespeare characters, such as Richard, Hamlet, and some would argue Benedick as well. When I was 15 I played Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, who I chose to play as a closeted young gay man harboring an unrequited crush on Romeo. I think I saw this role subconsciously as an outlet for my own repressed queerness, both of gender and sexuality, as I had experienced an unrequited crush on my female best friend the previous year which I was still in denial about. I’ve described my gender identity as “a girl with a chaotic tortured gay man inside of her that needs to be let out every once in a while”, which has never been more true than with Mercutio- a character who I might add, I took a great deal of inspiration from David when playing! In terms of using roles as an outlet for one’s queerness, I could absolutelt see this being true with David, especially when it comes to Crowley, who seems to have had an impact on David’s style, behavior, etc in a rather similar way to how he’s impacted me. I don’t want to act like David wearing pink docs means he must be gay, I think people should be allowed to wear whatever they want regardless of sexuality, but taken in conjunction with so many other things about him, it does make one wonder, and the fact that a seemingly straight man has been so many people’s queer awakening is a bit puzzling to say the least. I won’t pretend that these “signs” (if you interpret them that way), haven’t been increasing somewhat in the past year, and if I got to share my own coming out journey with the man who inspired it, I would be absolutely thrilled. I also can’t specifically think of an instance where David has SAID he is straight, as opposed to Taylor swift, who has.

With all of that said, where I personally draw the line is when mere speculation crosses into interfering with the subject’s personal relationships and the sense that one is OWED something. I believe that what matters to David more than anything is being a husband and a father. I believe he adores Georgia and his children and would not do anything in the world that he believes would jeopardize his family. As happy as I would be for David if he were to come out (probably as bi) I realize that that would put so much unwanted attention on his marriage and family and I think that’s the last thing he wants. I don’t think it’s IMPOSSIBLE that he and Michael Sheen are having a passionate love affair behind everyone’s backs, but I absolutely don’t consider it my place to insist that they are, because as much as I may feel like I do, I don’t know these people! And besides, if David were cheating on Georgia, he really would not be the person I thought he was.

So many queer people see themselves in David and his characters, and that is beautiful. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with having theories that David might be queer himself. However, it must be acknowledged that these theories are THEORIES, and they should not be used to invalidate people’s real life relationships- after all, it’s totally possible to be bi/pan and also be in a loving and healthy heterosexual relationship like David and Georgia at least seem to be in! If David were in fact “one of us”, I would welcome him with the openest of open arms, but unless and until he himself decides to proclaim himself that way, I will not expect anything of him other than to be the incredible artist and person we know and love.

[seungvocado]

Break Ground [Part 2]

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Content/Trigger warning: Step brother!Seungmin, Step sister!Reader, Fem!Reader, Slow burn, Slight angst, Kind of Cheating (?), Possessive Seungmin, Jealous Seungmin. [Let me know if I miss out any!]

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Sypnosis: Y/N who is secretly in love with her Seungmin - even before they were step-siblings, navigates the complexities of their relationship. Unspoken feelings escalates when she dates another boy to distract herself from Seungmin.

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — Master list - Break Ground (mini series)

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — 18+ work! MDNI! Ageless/blank blogs will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog.

a/n: this is my first writing ever! please give me feedback + suggestions! ❤️

The days following that intense conversation with Seungmin had been torturous for Y/N. Seungmin had withdrawn even more, keeping his distance as if he feared being near her would break whatever fragile resolve he had left. It frustrated her to no end. The tension between them had grown unbearable, and she felt like she was losing him, even as she knew he was right there in front of her.

That was when a classmate from her statistics class—a freshman, younger than her by a year or so—had confessed his feelings. He was sweet, charming in his own awkward way, and his shy smile reminded her a little of Seungmin, which only made her heart ache more. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized this might be what she needed—a distraction, a way to distance herself from the unrequited feelings that were slowly consuming her. Maybe, just maybe, this new relationship could help her move on from Seungmin.

Her friends were quick to notice the similarities. “Your new boyfriend has the same puppy eyes as your brother,” one of them teased. Y/N laughed it off, but inside, the comparison stung. Was she really just trying to replace Seungmin? Or was this her way of coping with a love that could never be?

A few weeks into the relationship, she decided to bring it up casually during dinner. The dinner table was lively that evening, with the sound of clinking cutlery and the hum of casual conversation filling the air. Y/N’s parents were discussing their day, her mother recounting a particularly amusing incident at work while her stepfather chuckled in response. Seungmin sat quietly, contributing to the conversation only when prompted, his usual composed demeanour firmly in place.

Y/N had been waiting for the right moment to bring up her new relationship. She knew it wasn’t just Seungmin she had to be careful around; their parents were also deeply invested in their lives, and any mention of a boyfriend would surely spark their interest. Finally, as the conversation lulled, she decided to casually drop the news.

“So,” she began, her voice steady, “I’ve been seeing someone lately. He’s in my stats class.”

Her mother’s eyes immediately lit up with interest. “Oh really? That’s wonderful, dear! Tell us more about him.”

Her stepfather nodded in agreement, setting down his fork. “Yes, we’d love to hear about him.”

Y/N glanced at Seungmin, who was focused on his plate, but Y/N knew he was aware of every word she said. “Well, he’s really sweet, kind of shy. My friends say he reminds them of Seungmin, actually.” She continued in a joking manner.

That got a reaction. Seungmin’s hand paused for the briefest moment as he reached for his glass, a tiny flicker of something in his eyes before he quickly masked it. He took a sip of water, seemingly unbothered.

“Oh, does he?” her mother said with a smile, glancing between Y/N and Seungmin. “That’s quite the compliment, don’t you think, Seungmin?”

Seungmin looked up, a small, polite smile on his face. “I suppose it is. I hope he treats you well, Y/N.”

“He does,” Y/N replied, watching him closely. “But it’s still new. We’ll see where it goes.”

Her mother leaned forward, clearly intrigued. “What’s his name? How did you two meet?”

Y/N answered, providing the details her mother was eagerly seeking, all the while keeping an eye on Seungmin. He remained quiet, his expression neutral, but Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his grip on his utensils had tightened ever so slightly.

Her stepfather, noticing Seungmin’s silence, turned to him with a teasing grin. “Seungmin, you better watch out. Seems like you’ve got competition now.”

Their parents knew Seungmin and Y/N have a friendly relationship and were quite close.

Seungmin managed a small chuckle, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sure he’s a good guy,” he said evenly. “If Y/N likes him, that’s all that matters.”

The conversation soon shifted, her parents diving into their own stories, but Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling of unease. She had hoped to see some sort of reaction from Seungmin, something that would confirm the feelings she knew he was trying so hard to hide. And while she had gotten a glimpse of that, it wasn’t enough to quell the frustration building inside her.

After dinner, as they cleared the table and Seungmin excused himself to his room, Y/N’s mother pulled her aside.

“He seems like a nice boy, this new boyfriend of yours,” she said softly. “But, Y/N… is everything okay between you and Seungmin? He seemed a bit distant tonight.”

Y/N forced a smile, not wanting to worry her mother. “Everything’s fine, Mom. We’re just… busy with our own lives, I guess.”

Her mother studied her for a moment, clearly not entirely convinced, but she didn’t press further. “Alright, dear. Just remember, you can always talk to me if something’s on your mind.”

“I know. Thanks, Mom,” Y/N replied, giving her a quick hug before retreating to her room.

Once alone, Y/N let out a sigh, collapsing onto her bed. The evening hadn’t gone quite as she had hoped. Seungmin’s reaction had been so controlled, so careful, that it only made her more certain of the feelings he was trying so desperately to keep buried. But how long could they go on like this? How long could they both pretend, keeping their true emotions locked away?

She rolled onto her side, staring out the window at the night sky.

Maybe her new relationship could be the escape she needed, a way to distance herself from the turmoil of loving someone she could never truly have. But even as she thought that, she knew it wouldn’t be so simple. Seungmin was a part of her life in a way no one else could be, and no matter how hard she tried, forgetting him wouldn’t be easy.

As she drifted off to sleep, Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what Seungmin was thinking, alone in his room, with only his thoughts to keep him company. Did he regret the distance he had put between them? Or was he grateful for it, believing it to be the best way to protect them both from the complicated feelings they couldn’t afford to acknowledge?

υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ — υ´• ﻌ •`υ

Y/N hurried through breakfast, barely touching her food as she scrambled to finish getting ready. She knew Seungmin would be expecting her to ride with him to university, as they usually did, an order from their father when Y/N and her mom first moved in, but today was different. Her new boyfriend had offered to walk with her, and she had agreed, eager to establish a sense of independence from the tangled emotions she felt around Seungmin.

Seungmin, as usual, was calm and collected as he finished his coffee.

“Y/N,” Seungmin called out from the kitchen as he glanced at his watch, “Relax. We still have plenty of time. You don’t need to rush.”

Y/N didn’t stop moving, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “I’m not going with you today,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “I’m walking with my boyfriend. He’s waiting downstairs.”

Seungmin’s expression faltered for just a moment, the briefest flicker of something dark passing through his eyes before he schooled his features into a neutral mask. “I see,” he replied, his voice a touch colder than usual. “Well, you should still have breakfast.”

“I’m fine,” Y/N said quickly, already heading toward the door. “Don’t worry about me.”

She didn’t wait for his response, pulling the door open and stepping out into the hallway. As she closed the door behind her, she didn’t see the way Seungmin’s calm demeanour shattered the moment she was out of sight. His hand tightened around the handle of his coffee mug, the muscles in his jaw clenching as a wave of jealousy and anger surged through him.

He didn’t even realize he’d set the mug down with more force than necessary until he heard the sharp crack of the ceramic hitting the counter. The sound snapped him out of his thoughts, and he stared down at the shattered pieces, his chest heaving with the effort to control his emotions.

She’s walking with him, Seungmin thought bitterly. He’s taking her away from me.

The thought of Y/N with someone else—of her laughing, smiling, maybe even touching someone who wasn’t him—filled him with a dark, burning rage. He knew it was irrational, knew he had no right to feel this way, but the jealousy was too powerful to ignore.

After a few deep breaths, Seungmin forced himself to calm down, collecting the broken pieces of the mug and disposing of them. But the anger simmered just beneath the surface, lingering even as he left the house and drove to the university alone.

For the rest of the day, the image of Y/N walking with her boyfriend gnawed at him. He couldn’t focus on his classes, his mind constantly drifting back to her, wondering where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. It was maddening, and no matter how hard he tried to push the thoughts away, they kept coming back, stronger each time.

Y/N, on the other hand, noticed the change in Seungmin’s behaviour almost immediately after she announced her relationship. He was around more often, appearing in the living room to study when she was watching TV or lingering in the dining room longer after meals. His gaze, once distant and controlled, had become something else entirely. She could feel it on her, scrutinizing her in a way that made her heart race with both anxiety and something deeper.

It wasn’t just the way he looked at her; it was the intensity, the way his eyes seemed to search for something—some sign of injury or perhaps something more intimate. It unnerved her, but it also made her question everything. Was Seungmin worried about her? Jealous? Or was it something else entirely?

Late at night, when the house was quiet, Y/N would lie in bed, replaying the moments when she caught Seungmin watching her, trying to decipher the emotions hidden behind his guarded expression. It was as if he was trying to protect her from something, but what, she couldn’t say.

The distance between them was growing, yet at the same time, Seungmin’s presence seemed more overwhelming than ever. He was always there, just on the edge of her awareness, and no matter how hard she tried to focus on her new relationship, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Seungmin’s gaze was following her, even when she wasn’t looking.

And as much as she wanted to believe that this new relationship would help her move on, deep down, she knew that Seungmin still held a part of her heart that no one else could touch.

[sapphicantics]

Don’t Want Another Lover

Pairing: Janis Imi’ike x fem!reader

Summary: Janis ditches a blind date you’d spent helping her prepare for and you confront her at a party to find out why.

Contents: best friends to lovers trope, pining!Janis, talks of unrequited love, Janis is constantly talking about being alone,

Word count: 1.4K

Authors note: This was not supposed to be the next fic I posted but Towa put me in a chokehold with her song and I’ve spent all weekend working on this so here we are. Also imma say this now, I guarantee you guys are gonna get tired of me because the amount of fics running through my head inspired by this song is fucking ridiculous but we’ll see if I actually stick with them and they’ll come out. If you haven’t already, listen to the song down below.

— — — —

Janis Imi’ike can’t believe she let herself be talked into this again.

The this in question is yet another date her best friends somehow convinced her to go on with a girl they’re sure she’ll like because she needs to put herself out there if she ever wants to get a girlfriend. Janis had scoffed at this because Damian doesn’t even like girls so what would he know about getting a girlfriend.

Still, she agreed if only to get over this ridiculous crush she has.

Except getting over her crush is damn near impossible when said crush is also one of her best friends who originally started this whole ‘get Janis a girlfriend’ thing in the first place and is currently helping her get ready for date number whatever.

“Where are you guys going for your date again?”

Janis looks up from her sketchbook, watching you rummage around in her closet. You’re dressed in a white crop top and a pair of black cargo sweatpants that are hanging low on your hips, and Janis can’t stop her eyes from tracing over the skin on display.

“Janis?”

Janis wonders if your skin is as sensitive as it looks; if a single finger would have goosebumps raising on your flesh.

“Janis?”

Janis wonders how it would feel to press kisses along your skin; how many kisses it’d take to make you melt and turn you to putty in her hands.

“Janis!”

She jumps, her eyes shooting up to yours. “What? Sorry, I- I didn’t hear what you said.”

You chuckle, shaking your head in amusement. “I asked where you were going for your date.”

“Oh, uh,” Janis licks her lips in thought as she tries to remember exactly where she’s supposed to be meeting this date, Laura she thinks this one’s name is, and what they were supposed to be doing. “We’re going to an art museum.”

You nod and turn back to her closet, rummaging around for a few more moments before emerging with several items in hand. You toss them all on the bed and tug Janis up by her arm, and she has to bite back a groan as she prepares to be turned into a human mannequin.

If it was anyone else, she would’ve snatched her arm away already, but Janis has never been able to deny you anything, so she stands in place while you hold up different articles of clothing until you’ve seemingly decided on the perfect outfit for her; leaving the accessories and makeup to complete the look up to her.

She turns to you once she’s finished and her breath hitches as you reach up and adjust the necklaces around her neck, your fingers tracing lightly on her skin and it takes everything in Janis to fight back the sigh of content that so desperately wants to escape her lips.

She’s done such a good job hiding her feelings from you and she can’t reveal them now. She’s already had several close calls before and she can’t risk destroying her friendship with you over feelings you’ll never return.

No matter how much Janis wishes it was different, she knows the way you’re smoothing down her shirt and brushing off her shoulders is purely platonic.

“You look beautiful.”

Janis blinks her eyes open, unsure when exactly she closed them, and she gulps at the bright smile on your face.

You seem more excited about this date than her and you’re not even the one going on it. She wonders if you’d look that excited if you were going on this date, and her heart clenches in response because she knows you wouldn’t be going with her.

She pushes back how much that thought hurts and instead gives you a smile. “Thank you, it’s all thanks to you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jay, you’re always beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world.”

Janis swears she’s going to fucking combust if another compliment falls from your mouth and she has to act like it doesn’t mean anything to her when it means absolutely everything to her.

She can practically hear Damian’s voice in her head calling her hopeless — which she is, but she doesn’t need his two cents even if he isn’t here to actually give it.

Thankfully (or maybe not depending on how she looks at it), she doesn’t have to dwell on that too much longer because it’s time for her to leave if she wants to make her date on time — which she totally didn’t forget about until just now — and while she’d much rather stay here with you, she’s not rude enough to bail 15 minutes before the initial meetup.

“Have fun, Jay,” you call. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

-

Admittedly, the date is nice and Janis does vibe with Laura, but she ends up cutting the date short because she keeps picturing you in Lauras’ place instead and that’s not fair to anyone.

She does not tell you that, of course.

She’s actually been avoiding telling you anything about the date which is only making you suspicious about all the things that could’ve happened and made Janis shut down on you like this.

It all comes to a head at a party which you convinced Janis ( and invited Damian because that man needs no convincing when it comes to parties ) to come to and got ample amounts of alcohol in your system.

You end up stealing Janis away from her corner where she’s spent majority of the time glaring at anyone who isn’t you or Damian attempting to talk to her and drag her into an empty room upstairs away from the party.

You’re not tipsy, but you’re also not drunk enough to where you can’t consent to anything or will forget about tonight.

Janis knows this as she’s gotten drunk with you multiple times and she knows you get bold when you’re like this, but she still doesn’t expect the words that come out of your mouth once the door closes behind you.

“Janis, what the fuck?”

Pure confusion laces her face, but you continue before she can say anything.

“I just ran into Laura and she told me you dipped out in the middle of the date.”

“Damian called me, said he was having an emergency.”

Janis can’t seem to deny you anything, but lying to you is apparently really easy. Of course, she’s lying to keep you in her life so that’s probably why it’s so easy.

“Bullshit, Imi’ike,” you scoff. “You’ve been crying about wanting a girlfriend, doing absolutely fuck all to get one, and then you keep accepting to go on these dates I’m setting up for you that are going absolutely no where, for what reason?”

Janis has the decency to look guilty, but in her defense she never asked you to do any of that. She was perfectly content to remain single and alone for the rest of her life while everyone else in her life got to fall in love and find their happy endings.

It fucking hurts that she won’t get hers.

And that combined with the alcohol in her system seems to be enough to make the truth finally come out.

“I don’t want a fucking girlfriend, I want you as my girlfriend!”

Silence falls between the two of you and Janis takes the time to process what she’s said.

Fuck.

Janis decides she fucking hates Tequila and is never going to drink again. It’s cost her a 6+ year friendship and Janis swears when she’s older she’s absolutely going to destroy Tequila manufacturers for this.

“Say it again.”

She can’t believe you’d actually be this cruel to her.

( Somewhere in the back of her head, Janis can hear a voice that is fed up with her shit calling her an idiot and a useless fucking lesbian.

It’s Damian again, she’s sure, and she wishes he’d stop popping up in her head at these times. )

“Janis, please say it again,” you whisper. “Say it again so I know it’s real and not in my head this time.”

It takes a moment for the words to register in Janis’ head and there’s a slither of hope in her heart as she stares at you. Slowly, she releases a breath and speaks. “I want you as my girlfriend.”

“Then kiss me and prove it.”

“Are you sure?”

You place your hands on her neck and her hands fall to your hips, pulling you flush against her. Your lips are inches from hers, breaths mingling together, and if she moves the slightest bit, she’ll kiss you.

“Positive.”

But that’s what you want.

And well, when has Janis ever been able to deny you anything?

[transmascutena]

I've been browsing your blog for a bit looking but I couldn't find anything so I thought I'd just ask: What's the deal with Shiori? You seem to like her a lot more than I did and so I feel like I'm probably just missing what she had going on. From my POV she just seemed to want to hurt Juri, and I didn't read any romanticism in there. Apologies if I just missed any analysis posts you've already made about her!

i have not actually done any proper analysis on shiori, which i want to change. i find her character very fascinating.

you're right that shiori wants to hurt juri, there's no real debate about that. the interesting part comes when you start to dig into why she does it. in her black rose episode, it becomes very clear that shiori is incredibly insecure, especially when it comes to juri, who is apparently perfect at everything. this is similar to every other black rose duelist, who are envious or resentful of people who are "special" (even if being special is not something to actually strive for in ohtori. that's something i've talked about a lot.) but, also like the other black rose duelists, shiori has romantic tension with her corresponding student council member. unlike the other's though, at least at a glance, it is juri who has unrequited feelings for shiori, not the other way around. but is that really true? my read on shiori's character, like many other people's, is that she does return juri's feelings. i mean, come on. "i loved the look in your eyes when i hurt you"? yeah. all those things about juri that shiori was envious of, like how pretty she is, are really things shiori finds attractive about her. the problem is that shiori has just so so much internalized homophobia (that becomes externalized homophobia aimed at juri when she Realizes) and also that those insecurities about being worse than juri at everything are still very real. which manifests in her trying to "steal" boys from juri, just to have one thing over her. of course this isn't actually what hurts juri, but instead that shiori (seemingly) doesn't realize or return her feelings. which is something that leads juri to very unfairly resenting shiori as well. both the negative and positive feelings they have for each other are mutual, and that is what makes their relationship so interesting to me.

anyway yeah. once you realize shiori isn't just doing these things for no reason, she becomes a much more sympathetic character. and also she's literally 15 years old, so while she is a pretty cruel person, it's not unforgivable and she's not "irredeemable" like some people say. i think what sets her apart from a lot of other utena characters in some people's minds is that there's no real way to argue that she had good intentions with the things she did. if we're talking characters who are close to juri, some people argue that ruka is a better person because he at least believed he was helping her and wanted to do something good, which is the opposite of what shiori does. i just don't think that matters very much. shiori intended to hurt juri, but failed to do it in the way she wanted. ruka intended to help juri, but only ended up hurting her. and i think that's a lot worse.

[forever1kay]

IF YOU LET ME - A Kei Tsukishima SMAU

a kei tsukishima x black!fem!reader smau

after pining over a certain middle blocker over the phone for a month or so, y/n y/l/n meets kei tsukishima in a way that has him hating her mere existence. weeks later, she’s given the opportunity to redeem herself… will she take her chances?

genre & tropes smau, grumpy x sunshine, (seemingly) unrequited love, not-so meet cute, forced proximity, ambw, fluff, crack, slow burn, etc;

warnings profanity, mentions of nsfw, angst, misunderstandings, remaining friends with an ex, periods, minor secondary character death, breakups, a few shitty characters, etc;

notes so i’m going through yet another haikyuu phase and i’m having mad tsukishima brainrot. so, i took this opportunity to write about him while i don’t have writers block. also, please keep in mind that this is a fic that does involve music. with that being said, please be prepared for a song to be linked in parts of this story. this may not get any likes or reblogs, but i hope that anyone who reads it enjoys!

series tag

# ⤹˚˖♬୭ if you let me

PROFILES:

y/n carried

crazy, sexy, cool (& tsukki)

CHAPTERS:

00. prologue - dear diary, i met a boy today

01. chapter one - a party for some girl who wants to kiss tsukki

02. chapter two - don’t worry, everything will be fine

03. that’s fine, i’ll just die tomorrow

04. avoiding him, avoiding her

05. tickets to my downfall

06.for the sake of work and work only

07. chest pains

08. loverboy

09. this does not mean i like you

10. i don’t hate it when you’re around

11. shut the fuck your mouth

12. i’ve decided to tolerate you

13. DENY DENY DENY

14. back to life, back to reality

15. i have awoken, i have arisen

16. maybe later

17. come outside for a second

18. a little busy

19. medicine

20. just a fling

21. disaster

22. something we should know

23. in the wrong

24. i bet

25. it’s him

26. as it was

27. we don’t see eye to eye

28. i made you a playlist

29. perhaps

30. epilogue - our future

BONUS CHAPTERS:

TBD

current status ongoing (slow updates)

© forever1kay 2023 - please don’t translate, convert, copy, paraphrase, repost, or alter any of my works without my permission.

[conflictofthemind]

Not saying this means anything especially since TBSOAS (the book) only came out in 2020, more of a “hey this is weird” post but:

I’ve always thought these two looked / were similar as two wavy blond haired blue eyed men, and it definitely helps that they both premiered (in the case of film Corio) within one year of each other . But there’s like, more than that? And some of it is very strange?

First off, they are two characters who since the start of their chronological stories teeter between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ with a lot of forces in their life, including their evil scientist mentor, pushing them towards the dark side by use of manipulation tactics. Henry is much more of a direct victim to this than Corio is though, and the latter also does have more good influences in his life.

“Fueled with the terror of becoming Prey, see how quickly we become Predator?” - Dr. Gaul

“I could restore balance to a broken world… a predator, but for good” - Henry Creel / 001

Also, can I mention how both TBOSAS and TFS are set in the same exact time period? The Hunger Games uses retro futurism since the entire story is set centuries from now, but the era is clearly inspired by the late 50s to early 60s, especially given that it takes place 60 years before the main series.

Now here’s the actual weird part that had me making this post.

Both of their origin stories center on a romance with a female co-lead that ends with them killing her (heavy question mark). That’s not the weird part. It’s the way that the plots of both of these origin stories and said female characters are based off of old European folk-songs that were popular in Appalachia. TFS is based off of ‘The Tale of Barbara Allen’ and TBOSAS is based off of ‘The Ballad of Lucy Gray’ - Stranger Things just bothered to change her name to Patty Newby. Barbara Allen (Patty) appears as a covey sister of Lucy Gray in TBSOAS. Naturally, both of these characters are singers which plays a role in their respective stories.

I just have to say, it’s a very obscure source of inspiration to happen twice like this. There is a little part of me that thinks Kate Trefry and the writing crew on TFS might have been fans of The Hunger Games. But who knows.

Suzanne Collins wrote the TBOSAS prequel to answer the question of ‘nature vs nurture’ and how much choice villains have in becoming their future selves - which is the exact same question that is actively being posed by Stranger Things in regards to Henry.

And then how I got started on this line of thinking again today - the older adult versions of these characters both kidnap the respective sweet boy love interests and hijack them against the main characters. For strategic reasons and, in the case of Peeta, emotionally torturing the main character so she gives up. Will and Peeta are just both so similar as characters; soft and sensitive, traumatized, painters, both the poor underdogs with (seemingly) unrequited love for the protagonist though Mike isn’t really the protagonist.

I’m not sure if there’s actual inspiration being taken here. I typically assume not on the basis that I’m someone who can find connections between any pieces of media I enjoy. But the whole Appalachian folktale angle of it all is strange to me.

While I don’t think Henry was conceived with this in mind, it’s possible the inspiration sprang up during the further fleshing out of his backstory and into writing The First Shadow. Maybe it will even have an impact on the final season.

One of the things I liked about TBOSAS was the theme of the past coming back to haunt Snow in the future through Katniss and the music Lucy Gray created living on through her. If this was in any way inspiration, I’d love to see Vecna haunted by how similar Will is to him and especially the ways that he is different and able to do better.

[neonscandal]

Random ask, do you love Satosugu because somehow their dynamic remind you of BakuDeku?

Okay so this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days because, at first when I read it, I was like "I don't really see the resemblance".

But here's the thing, I've been thinking about some of the interesting points I think MHA and JJK have in common lately.. was I sure these two ships really didn't remind me of one another, too?

SHORT ANSWER

I do not love SatoSugu for the same reasons I love BakuDeku.

LONG ANSWER

I REALLY HAD TO THINK ABOUT THIS because the recipes are very similar if you really think about it. Deeply entrenched histories with one another, the relation they have to one another being an impetus to be stronger/better, worldview that seems to be heavily hinged on one another (debatably)... but the fact remains: you can have all the same ingredients and prepare a totally different dish.

What I appreciate about BakuDeku is that they are at odds but not in the ways that one would assume at face value. Like, people oversimplify Midoriya as being this incredibly sensitive, goodie-two shoes and Bakugo to be an antagonistic bully. But Midoriya breaks hella rules where Bakugo's aggression hides the fact that he is, in fact, an emotional rule follower! What a nerd. In a lot of ways, they embody facets of one another even when it isn't readily apparent. Both strong and both protective of one another which manifests in different ways. But ultimately, in spite of their differences, they are both earnestly aligned in their desire to embody what they respect and value about All Might and being the number one hero. There's a stronger sense of justice at play in universe that makes the story a bit more cut and dry. No amount of time has really shaken their understanding of one another. They are still locked in and the best insight into one another outside of themselves (if that makes sense).

SatoSugu exists in a morally gray area which enables them to have more character nuance than simply being aligned with "good" or "bad". While they are also at odds in different ways, I'm more inclined to appreciate the circumstances that brought them together. It's a bit skewed from Gojo's perspective but, ultimately, they are unified in how isolating their strength and responsibilities are. There's no ensemble staff to lessen the sting of that and, subsequently, there's this elevated miracle of finding understanding in one another's company. This is more inferred from Gojo's perspective, but you also never get the satisfaction of Geto's point of view. I think what I like most about their story is how incomplete it is. There's no reconciliation, no clearing the air of all the things they never voiced to one another.. and isn't that just how it goes? Especially unrequited. It's sad and unsatisfying because their relation to one another is ultimately their undoing. What made them well suited to one another is also what drives the wedge between them and Geto was doomed from the beginning. The story has seemingly run its course with both of them and there's still so many loose ends.

Even in writing all of this, there are a lot of undeniable similarities between them. Truthfully, we don't know how either stories will end so there may be more compelling likenesses revealed with time. The line I'm drawing in the sand is not so much what makes them similar but what I find the most compelling about them so maybe that doesn't interpret your question correctly but that nuance obscured all of the similarities for days for me haha so I appreciate you asking because it definitely made me think!

[edgarbright]

I've been trying to write a quick summary of Ellis's story event route, but I'm having trouble not just quoting everything because I honestly love this entire story so much?? Like love is in the details and the little details are so perfect in inching the reader closer and closer to the heart of things! (And the heart of this beats a beautiful red!) Ellis is kind and wonderful and earnest in his unique cursed way, his MC is intelligent and thoughtful and shows him proper kindness in turn, and I want more of them, please and thank you!

Wrapped in Wicked Romance Story Event: Ellis

The quick summary without spoilers:

MC reveals Victor tasked her with a fake dating mission with a Crown member and Ellis asks--not offers, but asks!--that she pick him. And he owns it to the point you'd think it was his idea! He makes sure that MC is safe and comfortable (here is a wheelchair he made since she hurt her ankle) and that they do something MC would enjoy (a picnic for the girl who loves delicious food). He's kind and thoughtful and seems very interested in her happiness--to the point his earnestness becomes a little alarming... as though his arms, should they wrap around her, might ensnare her like ivy should she give in... But she's a smart girl and Ellis wouldn't do anything to make her unhappy, right? (Right!)

Please read his route! My summary can't compete with the real thing and his route has no content warnings because he's a good boy who just has a few harmless little red flags (for now)!

The extended summary with spoilers:

Victor gives MC the task with fake dating a Crown member for the day. Before she can even begin to pick someone, she sprains her ankle while dodging a carriage in town. Limping back to the castle, she comes upon Ellis. He is very kind and gentle as he helps her home, bandages her foot since Roger is away, and asks her about what happened. When he hears about Victor's task, he asks that MC pick him. She agrees with some hesitation, but Ellis has been quite gentle towards her even if this is the same guy who suggested they kill her in the prologue. In order to plan the date, he asks her about herself, and he suggests a picnic date since she likes delicious food.

Fake dating, go! Since wheelchairs are rare, he makes MC one over night so she won't have to hurt herself walking on their date. They proceed into town to purchase food for their picnic. There, it's revealed he's quite friendly with and well acquainted with much of the townsfolk, all of whom he makes happy with his history of acts of service, remembering things they need, and just generally being "a good boy" (their words, not mine!) MC is also awed by all the new shops he shows her that she herself didn't know about despite having lived there.

MC straight-up confesses her heart feels warmer when Ellis catches her smiling at him for seemingly no reason. You and me both, MC!!

Loaded up with their purchases and gifts from appreciative shop-owners, they have their picnic in a flowery meadow.

The conversation which next occurs between Ellis and MC is the bread and butter (pun intended) of everything. Please read it and enjoy it! The crucial part of Ellis's entire motivation in everything he does, however, is probably thus:

Ellis: "Have you ever felt so happy you wished that time would stop?" Ellis: "You feel like a certain moment is perfect and complete, so much so that you don't even need the future. Like that moment's enough."

Their conversation is simultaneously incredibly wholesome as well as setting off some warning bells. MC thinks some of Ellis's sweetest lines are him just pretending to be her lover, so she returns his kindness with kindness of her own. The back-and-forth is effective! Such as when he asks to become her boyfriend for real, because wouldn't a real boyfriend make her even happier than a fake one?

He spoke as if we'd had some sort of unrequited love that had gone on for years. And even though it was clearly a lie, his twilight-colored eyes were tinged with a strange heat, as if he were telling the truth. Something feels strange… His arms were placed on either side of my face, creating an illusion that felt like he was trapping me in a cage. It felt if I said yes, I would be trapped there forever.

He smiled calmly at me, but… the disturbing illusion I'd just felt wrapped around my body like ivy.

But the picnic actually finishes up pleasantly with casual conversation despite the odd middle. On their way home, they are accosted by some bad guys and MC gets to see Ellis in action. She also gets a reality check on the dangers of her getting involved Crown, how she can become a target now, and how differently Ellis treats the life and death of other people who are not MC.

Since the bad guys were targeting MC, Ellis asks what he should do with them: should he kill them or let them go? "Either way is fine," he says.

His calm demeanor reminded me of when he said "Shall we kill her?" that night. He'd spoiled me with his kindness so much today that I almost forgot about it. There was a sense of unease around him, like darkness threatening to swallow a pool of sunlight. MC: "What do you want to do, Ellis?" Ellis: "They tried to hurt you. They're our enemies. I think it would be better to kill them. But I don't want to make you said, either." He talked about people's lives and deaths as if he were choosing which jam to put on his bread. (Although he could be a pit pushy at times, he's also kind, considerate, and puts people's happiness first. No… He's asking me because he put my happiness first.) I just didn't know that having someone killed could be a way to make someone happy.

MC says she doesn't want Ellis to kill them, that it wouldn't be right to kill them, and also that, "I don't want you to get your hands dirty."

I didn't want him to have his hands stained with blood for the sake of my happiness.

…This route knows I'm an Edgar girly LOL

Ellis returns MC to her room, where he tends to her injured ankle again... and where he asks if he can kiss her... and where he tells her she can just push him away if she wants...

(Because he only cares about her happiness...)

Right! OK! This route has delightful scenes where Ellis is so incredibly earnest in his requests to become MC's real boyfriend, to continue fake dating tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, to kiss her (as real couples do)... But MC senses something strange is going on even if she can't figure out what it is, because she doesn't know Ellis all that well. It's a wonderful introduction to him and certainly left me wanting more!

In the epilogue, after a perfectly spicy kiss scene, we later see MC going down to breakfast where she comes upon Jude reading the newspaper.

MC, despite being quite astute when talking to Ellis, is sloppy when she asks Jude the rather sensitive, or at least personal, question on what the promise is between Ellis and Jude that makes Ellis continue to work for him. MC quickly apologizes over her insensitivity but that doesn't save her from Jude's sneer. Instead of responding to any of that, however, he instead asks her question with another question--

Jude: "Did he ask ya how happy ya were yesterday?"

MC recalls the picnic.

MC: "Yes, he asked me that. What about it?" Jude, no longer sneering: "Figured. Good thing ya made it home alive." MC: "What's that supposed to mean?"

But Jude proceeds to ignore her and Ellis arrives shortly thereafter with some delicious breakfast (he remembered what MC said she wanted from their picnic discussion!)

And Ellis proceeds to ask her how happy she is. MC replies blissfully that she's the happiest she's been all week.

It touched my heart and nagged at me. But the butter and cranberry jam quickly made me forget all about it, melting away into sweetness.

That Ellis's MC is basically Ikerev's Alice in a new dress makes me feel rather exposed lol But also makes me feel right at home, in a way.

[da-extroverted-introvert]

Been There All Along (Nate Runck x Reader)

(there are almost no gifs of Nate and that makes me upset)

Fandom: That '90s Show

Pairing(s): Nate Runck x Fem!Reader, Past!Nate Runck x Nikki, Platonic!Gwen Runck x Reader

Trigger(s): some angst, breakup mentions, (seemingly) unrequited feelings, slight Nikki slander (sorry, it's only for the sake of the story), also some Nate's dad slander

Summary: Nate comes to you, one of his best friends, for comfort after Nikki breaks up with him. You console him the best you can without letting your true feelings slip, but you fail when you end up kissing him. This leads to you thinking you ruined your friendship, but luckily, Nate shows up to reassure you that that's not true.

Word Count: 2.09k

Point Place, Wisconsin.

Summer of 1996.

Location: Leia Forman's basement.

Being alone in Forman's basement wasn't a common occurrence, but it did happen on occasion. Like now, for instance. Jay and Leia were out on a date, and so were Nate and Nikki. When things like this happen, you usually have Ozzie and Gwen to hang out with, but today they wanted to sneak into the country club again.

So, it was just you in the basement, laying on the sofa, flipping through a random magazine to pass the time. That was until the one and only Nate Runck wandered in through the door. Instead of the dopey grin that was usually plastered on his face, he had a frown and watery eyes. This caused you to sit up straight on the couch and place your full attention on him.

He barely glanced at you before he spoke.

"Hey."

Just as you were about to ask what happened, the big jock practically threw himself into the seat next to you and laid his head on your shoulder. Instinctively you wrapped your arm around him and rubbed his arm, trying to help him however you could.

"What happened?" You asked him in a concerned whisper.

It took a few moments for Nate to respond, and it killed you seeing him this broken up about whatever was bothering him.

Not lifting his head from your shoulder, Nate mumbled a response.

"Nikki and I broke up."

You momentarily stopped rubbing his shoulder, his answer surprising you. You knew that Nate and Nikki have had a few disagreements lately, but you had no idea this would happen. They both seemed so in love, constantly making out and hooking up. You were tempted to ask Nate why this happened, but knowing how much he must be hurting, you just pulled him into your arms and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Nate."

Nate hugged you back, squeezing you hard and burying his head into your neck. You always liked when he hugged you, he always felt like a giant, warm teddy bear. But it was hard to enjoy the feeling given the circumstances.

"We were talking about our futures. I wanted to be with her, and follow her to wherever she ended up going to college. And…she said she didn't want me to."

You could feel your shirt getting wet as Nate started crying. The sound broke your heart. You squeezed him tighter, rocking him in your arms to try to soothe him.

"I know you probably won't believe me when I say this, but it will get better."

"When?"

You wished you could give him an answer, one that could make Nate happy again, but you knew that wasn't going to happen. So you settled for an honest answer.

"I don't know."

You hugged him tighter before he pulled away, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I just loved her so much! I feel like my heart was ripped out of my butt."

You nodded sympathetically while he talked. He leaned forward and buried his head in his hands for a moment.

"Maybe I just didn't try hard enough. I could've tried to be better for her, try to make it work between us."

You immediately shook your heading disagreement.

"Nate, that is so not true! You were trying to make it work, she was the one who wasn't trying! You were a great boyfriend. You were loyal, dependable, sweet..."

You put your arm around his shoulders again to make sure he was paying attention to what you were saying.

"And Nikki is my friend, and she may be smart and everything, but I think she's an absolute dumbass to let you go."

Nate turned his head slightly to look at you, his eyes still glossy. He spoke to you in a slight whisper.

"You really think that?"

"Of course I do! I've known you for years, and I've never met a more amazing person. Any girl in the world would be lucky to have you."

The compliment made Nate give you a hint of a smile, which caused you to smile back.

"Thanks."

You both stared at each other for a little while, your smiles fading the longer you did. You felt some tension grow, and you couldn't help yourself from glancing at his lips. And it might've just been your feelings for him playing tricks on you, but you could've sworn you saw Nate glance at yours.

You weren't sure who began leaning in first, but the next thing you remembered was feeling his lips against yours. The kiss was soft as gentle, and his hand coming up to caress your cheek felt just as sweet.

Nate then abruptly pulled away, pulling you out of the moment and allowing the shock of what just happened to sink in. He then quickly stood from the couch and began walking backwards to the door.

"I, um..."

He stumbled over his words, running a hand threw his hair.

"I've got to go, I um...I need some time to think..."

After nearly stumbling over his own feet, he finally made it out the door, letting you sit with your thoughts.

Though honestly, there was only one through that kept on running through your mind.

'What have you done?!'

1 hour later.

Location: Jay Kelso's bedroom.

"Bro!"

"Bro!"

"Bro!"

"Bro!"

"Bro!"

"Bro!"

"BRO!" "BRO!"

Nate and Jay went back and forth like this for a while after Nate told his best friend what had happened. That is until Jay finally broke the cycle.

"So you are telling me that you and Nikki broke up, and not even an hour later, you and Y/N make out?!"

"You're making it sound worse than it is!"

Jay gave him a look.

"Okay, yeah, it is as bad as it sounds."

Nate let himself fall back on Jay's bed, rubbing his hands down his face in frustration.

"Do you, like, like Y/N now or something?"

"No!"

Jay gave his friend another look.

"...Yeah. Maybe? Dude, I don't know! I'm so confused."

Jay sat beside his friend on the bed, still trying to understand the situation.

"How did this even happen?"

"I don't know, bro. Nikki broke up with me, and I was really upset, so I tried to find Y/N to make me feel better."

Jay made a confused face.

"So you're saying that whenever you're upset, Y/N always makes you feel better?"

Nate nods. "Yeah."

He then makes a confused face and looks towards Jay.

"Do you think that means something?"

5 days later.

Location: Y/N's bedroom

You sat alone on your bed, allowing heartache to consume you. You haven't left the room since that day.

The day you kissed Nate Runck.

You couldn't bring yourself to hang out with the gang after what happened. You didn't know how to keep what happened to yourself. And you didn't know how you would react if you came face to face with Nikki, let alone Nate.

A knock on your window disturbed your train of thought and sent you sitting straight up on your bed. Once you saw it was only Gwen, your heart rate slowed calmed down a bit.

You went over to the window to open it for her, letting her come in.

"You could've just came in through the door."

Gwen shrugged with a smile.

"Eh, this is more fun."

She plopped herself down on the foot of your bed, making herself comfortable.

"So. Why have you been MIA the last few days?"

You didn't want to lie to her, but you also didn't want to answer her question. So you asked one of your own.

"How's Nate?"

"Well, I assume you heard about him and Nikki calling it quits."

You looked down at your carpet and nodded.

"He's pretty bummed about that, obviously. But I can tell that's not the only thing that's bugging him."

You gave her a worried look.

"Did something else happen?"

"You tell me."

You stayed silent, but Gwen kept on talking.

"He misses you. He's worried about you. We all are! I don't know what happened between you two, but you guys need to talk."

You sighed as you talked. "I wouldn't even know what to say."

"It doesn't really matter what you say as long as you actually talk."

You were silent again.

"Come on! You guys need each other! You both are clearly going through things, and whenever that happens, you're there for each other. That's how things have been ever since you guys met!"

You kept your eyes locked on the floor still. You responded with a mumble.

"I'm afraid he's upset with me."

Gwen laughed a bit.

"So? That hasn't stopped you guys from being there for each other."

She sighed and stood up with you.

"Remember when you first met Jay? You were so jealous of him becoming Nate's best friend you started being mean to both him and Nate."

You smiled a tiny bit, reminiscing about those memories as Gwen continued to speak.

"And then Nate got mad at you for being mean to them, so you guys didn't speak for a week. He was a mess without you. Then, his dad was supposed to visit, and then he cancelled last minute."

You remembered how sad you were for Nate, even though you were mad at him at the time.

"I called and told you and you came over right away. You guys hugged and acted like nothing ever happened. And just like that, you were happy with each other again. I don't see why you can't do that now."

You looked back up at Gwen, your eyes a little teary.

"I think this situation is a little more complicated than that."

Gwen put her hands on your shoulders, giving you a reassuring smile.

"You never know unless you try."

15 minutes later.

Location: The Forman's driveway.

You slowly walked towards the Forman household when you saw Nate shooting hoops in the driveway. You could tell he noticed you coming because his eyes lit up a bit.

He gave you a tiny, awkward smile.

"Hey."

You smiled back.

"Hey."

You both stood there awkwardly before speaking at the same time.

"I'm sorry!" "I'm sorry!"

Nate gave you a confused look.

"Wait, why are you sorry?"

You fiddled with your fingers while you spoke.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you. And I'm sorry for kissing you. You were very vulnerable and it was a mistake and I shouldn't have done it."

Nate was silent for a moment, processing your words.

He mumbled nervously. "You think it was a mistake?"

You mumbled back. "Don't you?"

He finally put down the basketball, letting it roll away. He stepped closer to you, acting a bit more confident than before.

"No. I don't."

His response stunned you, making you stare at him with wide eyes.

"It wasn't the best timing, but I'm glad it happened. Y/N, you have always, always been there. For whenever I was sad, whenever I was sick, whenever I was an absolute idiot..."

You wanted to correct him and reassure him that he wasn't an idiot at all, but you wanted to know where he was going with this heartfelt rant.

"No matter how things were, you have always been there for me. And it took me this last week to realize how important you really are to me."

Your eyes began to water at his words. Nate stepped a little closer to you, grabbing your hands in his.

"If you really think that kiss was a mistake, we can forget about it. But I want you to know that it meant something to me. And if you would give me a chance, I would like to give this a shot. Give us a shot."

You launched yourself into his arms and pulled down by the neck for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around your back, happily returning the kiss.

The first kiss you shared had been nice, but the way it happened wasn't the best. You hadn't been sure if the only reason you kissed was because you were both in the heat of the moment. You weren't actually sure if he reciprocated your feelings. But right now, with Nate holding you so close and smiling against your lips, you are finally certain about how he feels.

You've been there for each other all along. And you'll always be there for each other till your dying days.

Author's Note: Tagging @creamecafe and @gaypersonthatshifts because they asked so nicely ❤️😊

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

fight off the light tonight and just stay with me (honey, don't you leave) || ot7

Warnings: a teeny tiny bit of blood, mentions of hospitals and surgery, heavy angst(?)

I won't control you, but MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader, Jackson Wang/(F) Reader

Plot: Will it be too late for them to try and make things right?

Genre: not really unrequited love (but they're all idiots), mutual pining, angst, denial of feelings, poly ot7

Did you ever love her? Do you know?

Or did you never want to be alone?

And she was singing "Baby, come home."

"Baby, come home."

I've got those jet pack blues

Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me;

Honey, don't you leave.

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

thank you so much because this fic was my first one to reach more than 10 kudos in ao3 and some peeps liked the first part enough to reblog to want to read the next part you don't know how much it means to me :o oh my fucking god how did that happen??? thank you so friggin much!!!

sorry if my summaries are all song lyrics owo i just love taking inspiration from them when i write because i can't find the old me who can write and word vomit in a drop of a hat huahuahauhauhauahuahauaau am sorry my bad

bit of warning for some teeny tiny blood and hospitals but no one will die, i promise! i mean not yet, so far i haven't thought that far yet.

also!!!! i'm not a medical expert so please let me know if there are inaccuracies because there are bound to be, no matter how much research i do or how much i ask from doctor frens hueheuheuuefhiuf

title from Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy because fuck yeah i wouldn't get them as a first tattoo if i didn't love them so much

hope i don't disappoint! if i do, i'm so sorry hahahuhu my mom always told me i'm a disappointment so there's kinda nothing new

hope i can write the next parts soon T_T

❤️‍🩹

You can feel the string in your chest slowly fraying.

You never thought that is possible. After all, the strings are connected to the soul and can never be seen. However, when you started the therapy, you started feeling it fray. Slowly and painfully. You don't know how and why, you just do.

Your symptoms are worsening, too. Doctor Im advised you against overworking and stressing yourself but how can you not? It feels like no matter what you do or where you turn, the boys are there. Your only escape is your work and in your line of work, stress is inevitable, so you have no choice but to endure it. At least at work, you are in control. At least at work, you don't have to think about being unwanted—your clients are the ones who request your services, after all.

You don't know what to feel, really. It feels like fate is pushing you to your limits and wants to see you suffer.

Look, even you can admit to yourself that there's no need to undergo the therapy. Your soulmates can go get fucked and feel your pain through the bond.

But you can't have that, can you?

You're not one to lie to yourself, you know why you feel this way. Aside from the fact that fate (unfortunately) assigned you seven soulmates who can give less of a fuck about you, you know deep down that you want to be with them and not just because your souls were linked to each other.

You're in with love them, period.

You've seen them through their bests and their worsts, and you're still hopelessly in love with them. You've seen their sides that they never dare show you, the beauty they unfairly grant other people but not you. You've also seen their worst, the ugliness seemingly reserved for you alone, but the longing is still there.

You can't help it, and you're sadly fucked no matter how you look at it. 

As you massage your perpetually aching chest, you also think how your dignity and pride are the only ones you have left. While it might be a rush of satisfaction to see them squirm, it is at the cost of your pride. You learned early on in life that you can never show your emotions—most especially your weakness—with how many times people fucked you over by using them against you.

In this case, you have to endure every pain to save face. So if it helps everyone sleep at night, then you'll give them what they want. If they don't want you, then you'll just have to remove yourself from the equation altogether. Simple math.

You snort. You're being too dramatic. You're used to this, you tell yourself. From your mother to the few lovers you had; there was always something wrong with you, something lacking. You're never needed in your whole life, so it was easy for them to leave you. It was always the easiest choice to not choose you. Why are you crying about it now?

You shake your head with a resigned sigh. There's no use regretting this. You swore to yourself you would stop regretting things you do and now is the time to stand by it. For yourself, and for the inner child in you who did nothing but run after people who turned their backs on her.

You try to stave off the pounding behind your temples by rubbing your eyes with your palms. While you are thankful that the meds seem to be working and the boys can't feel any input of emotions from you through your bond, the medicines and treatments are such pains in the ass. Fucking side effects.

Speaking of side effects, Doctor Im told you that one side effect would be them not feeling any of the emotions you feel, but you would still feel theirs, the latter possibly more potently than normal. You tried to test the emotion theory before, afraid that it will fail and the meds won't work. This is your only chance at walking away with your precious pride intact, so this should work. This has to work.

"It might take a while, but your emotions shouldn't reach through their strings anymore once you continuously undergo the whole therapy process," Doctor Im had said.

"You would still feel theirs, unfortunately." He looks at you tenderly, albeit with not an ounce of pity. That's okay, you don't want anyone's pity. "You'll be more attuned to them than a normal person is to their soulmate because your soul will be tender from all the treatments."

Doctor Im Jiho is kind, a little young for his profession if you say so yourself, but he is brilliant. It's what made you trust him. Even if the therapy is still not ratified and recognized legally, and still in its human trial stages, something about how passionately Doctor Im explained the whole therapy process and what it entails just screamed 'I know what the fuck I am doing'.

Or he should. Please let it be true, or you'll just rip your lungs out of your ribs and unalive yourself. So far though, Doctor Im and his team delivered.

Back to the emotion theory you have.

You wanted to see if the therapy works. Since soulmates can feel each others' extreme emotions, going through soul-scraping therapy shouldn't send any of yours to their end of the bond. To be sure, you waited a month into the treatments to start with the observation.

Since you've been keeping your distance and you cannot see it for yourself, you asked for help from Ae-cha and their other managers, most especially Kyunghee. They understood and agreed with no questions asked, and for that, you are eternally grateful.

You asked them for even the slightest changes in the boys' behavior during times when you know your emotions were at high. So far, there were none. It's either the meds are really working or they are just good at masking it. The second would be implausible, knowing how anything related to you would be a nuisance for them. They would make their displeasure known about it, you're sure.

Sejin, however, you're not sure you can face his pitying eyes again, so you never asked him. You don't want to hear the pitying tone in his voice one more time either. Once is more than enough to last for your lifetime.

You are just about to reach for the medicine bottle when you feel your eyeballs twitch rapidly from behind your eyelids and the pounding in your temples grow louder.

God, not now. You still have that meeting set with your lawyers. Not now.

You dial your assistant's number shakily.

"Joy, can you please phone Attorney Shin for me?" You say to the phone through your coughs, the air in your chest feels like slowly being squeezed out of you.

"Are you okay, [Name]?" Comes your assistant's concerned voice through the phone speaker. "Do you want me to call Doctor Im?"

You take the glass of water on your table with shaking hands. "I'm okay. I'm okay." You take big gulps of water, but the feeling doesn't pass. "There's no need."

Joy ignores the last part. "I'm going there, wait for me."

You go to tell her not to bother, but she hangs up before you can. A few minutes later, Joy comes through the door slightly panting.

"[Name]!" Joy takes hurried steps toward you, but you weakly wave her off. "You look like death. Jeez, I'm calling Doctor Im!"

"No, no! I'm—" You burst into another fit of whooping coughs and faintly hear Joy's worried voice.

Your hand comes away with splotches of blood, some staining the sleeve of your pullover shirt.

"Oh, shit. Shit, [Name]!" Joy screeches, now terrified. She runs to the doorway and shouts. "Jenny! Jenny! Come quick!"

Footsteps sound shortly later and you hear Jenny's panicked shrieks.

"[Name]? Are you okay?!" You feel Jenny's hand touch your shoulder. "Oh, my god. Dongwoon! Dongwoon!" More footsteps but you don't register them, black spots dancing in your vision.

So maybe you're not okay right now.

Oops, your bad.

You stand up slowly to tell them you're fine. However, before you can even open your mouth, you cough and retch.

More blood.

"[Name]!"

The last thing that registers in your brain are strong arms catching you when you black out, their panicked voices warped in your ears.

(oh, darling. what are we going to do with you?)

---

"I got it! I got it now, hyung," Taehyung says with a grin to Hoseok as Jimin comes back through the door of their practice room.

"Yeah? Let's run that through again?" Hoseok asks with a satisfied smile.

"Okay!" Taehyung nods. The boys are all feeling happy because the choreography turned out really good and is something they are proud of. The good feeling doesn't last long, however, when Jungkook bursts into the room.

"Hyung! Hyung!"

They all turn to look at him, eyebrows raised. Namjoon tsks at him.

"Kook, don't run. How many times do I—"

"[Name]-noona!"

They all freeze.

''She... she..." Jungkook then bursts into breathless tears, which propels Yoongi and Namjoon out of their seats. Jin turns off the music. When Jungkook doesn't continue, Namjoon shakes his shoulders.

"Jungkook, what is it?'" Panic rising in his voice.

"They rushed her to the hospital," Jungkook chokes through his sobs. "Y-Yonsei. They rushed her to Yonsei, hyung."

Their stomach drops at that.

Ever since they discovered by accident that you had been undergoing soul-scraping therapy, they have been keeping an eye on you. It took a while for some of them to accept or maybe even acknowledge you as their other soulmate, some longer than others, but they're getting there.

However, the pit in their stomach and the guilt in their chests never really went away, so they had to do it slowly and inconspicuously. They watched from afar and through their staff, and it pissed them off to no end that they have to do so, but they have to. They want to take it slowly and surely so as not to confuse and overwhelm you, still also confused about what they're feeling themselves.

"Yonsei? Hospital? Are you sure?" Jimin asks. "Why—"

"I don't know, hyung. I just heard Manager Sejin talking to Kyunghee-nim." Jungkook looks lost, tears flowing down his cheeks. "[Name]-noona..."

Jin doesn't even wait for their response, sprinting out of the room to find where Sejin is.

"Jin-hyung!"

He ignores them, spotting Sejin standing with his phone clutched in his hand, and talking to one of their other managers, Kyunghee. The pained expression on their faces and their hushed conversation say everything Jin needs to know.

"Sejin-nim!"

At the sound of his voice, Sejin and Kyunghee both turn to look at him.

Jin halts to a stop in front of the two. "What happened to her?"

"How did you—?"

"Please, Sejin-nim," Jin begs as the others come into view, slightly panting. "I need to know, please."

Sejin looks at Kyunghee, the latter with a grim expression on her face.

"Is it because of the therapy?" When Sejin didn't answer, Jin turns to Kyunghee. "Kyunghee-nim, please."

Kyunghee nods with a solemn expression. "Yes." The others gasp behind him but nothing registers. "Joy told me she'd been getting sicker as of late. She collapsed this morning."

Jungkook's sobs get louder, but Jin paid them all no mind. The only thing on his mind is—

"[Name]." He looks at Sejin with desperation in his eyes. "Take me to her. I want to see her."

Sejin purses his lips, sharing a look with Kyunghee. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why?!" Jin's eyes are shining from unshed tears, frustration bubbling in his chest. "I want to see her. Take me to her, Sejin-nim. Please."

"We have explicit instructions not to let any of you see her," Kyunghee says steadily. "We can't take you there, Jin. I'm sorry."

"If you're not taking me to her, I'll go there by myself," Jin says stubbornly. "I don't care about whose instructions they are; she's my soulmate and I'm seeing her."

"A soulmate you all rejected!" Sejin bursts out sharply. "You all asked her to stay away from you, asked me to talk to her before. Or don't you remember?"

Jin falls silent at that. The others are no better, hanging their heads in shame.

"You didn't see her eyes that day, Jin. I was the one to look the poor girl in the eyes." Sejin's tone softens. "Don't do this to her. Do you want to see her in more pain?"

"I just want to see her," Jin says brokenly. "I won't show myself to her. I'll be gone when she wakes up." Jin pleads. "Please, Sejin-nim. It's all I ask of you, please."

"She explicitly asked me before not to let anyone of you near her, so I can't. We have to respect that."

Jin huffs angrily, turning back to Jungkook. "Yonsei, you said?" He doesn't wait for the response and stalks off, patting for his keys in his pockets.

Shit. He left them in his room.

"Seokjin!" Sejin runs after him, but he ignores him.

"Hyung!" Someone pulls his arm back, and it's Namjoon.

"No!" Jin yanks his arm back. "This stops now, Namjoon."

"Hyung."

"That's our soulmate. Our soulmate!" Jin shakes his head. "Fuck getting burned and left behind—we left her behind. All seven of us. If us getting used and left behind by people who are not our soulmates hurt, how do you think that would feel for her, rejecting and leaving her? Her own soulmates!"

"You know why we had to do it!" Namjoon bellows.

"And it's bullshit! She is our actual soulmate, you saw her marks!" Jin yells back. "You know how I felt about this. I told you all how I felt about this, but you didn't listen. Nobody listened to me."

"Hyung, that's enough!" Yoongi growls. "It's unfair for you to put this on us; you agreed to it, too."

"Because I'll lose you all if I don't! You gave me no choice!"

"We never said that!" Hoseok holds Yoongi back from stepping further toward Jin, the latter seething in anger. "We never asked you to do that."

"You get drunk and cry to me, telling me to always choose you and the others. That's not asking me?" Jin sneers. "You always saying how we should always choose each other and no one else, that's not asking me? You asked me to stay away from her even when it hurts choosing between you and her. Do you take me for a fool, Yoongi?"

Jin looks at all of them and they would shrink at the anger that is not normally present on his beautiful face, but they're all too furious to back down.

"I tried to talk to all of you, but no one listened."

He looks at Jimin and Hoseok, and they both look away in guilt. "This is not something you two should be neutral about. She had been nothing but kind to you."

Jin turns and jabs his finger toward Namjoon. "I thought you of all people can be reasoned with, but you let your pride cloud your judgment. I thought you had the brains to see through your fucking ego, but I was clearly wrong."

He then looks at Taehyung, rage marring his face. "And you. Do you think I wouldn't know how you rubbed the rejection in her face like an asshole, Taehyung? Huh? How dare you?"

Jungkook gasps and whips his head toward Taehyung with a hurt expression.

"Hyung?" Jungkook puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, who doesn't look back at any of them. "What is he talking about?" Jungkook turns back to Jin, confusion on his teary face. "What are you talking about, Jin-hyung?"

Jin scoffs. "He asked her how it feels to be rejected, and how it feels to run around with people who aren't her soulmates a few months ago at that bar. Didn't you, Taehyung?" The others gasp, their eyes widening as they all turn towards Taehyung, who now looks guiltily away from them.

"And I had to know from Jackson, of all people. Jackson! The asshole didn't hold back in letting me know how it's a good thing [Name] will never be ours. How do you think it feels to stand there and listen to him tell me how stupid I am for dropping my soulmate when I never wanted to in the first place, Taehyung?"

"Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok cried. "Why would you do that to her?"

Taehyung yanks his arm off Hoseok's grasp. "I don't know, okay?! I don't know!" he snarls. "She looked so happy with him and I can't think straight! I wasn't thinking straight." He chokes on his sobs.

"You shouldn't have done that, Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok admonishes. "She didn't do anything wrong to us."

"I know, okay?!" he snaps. "I know we asked her to stay away but I can't help feeling angry that she's so happy without us when all I can think is we asked for this, we wanted this."

Taehyung breaks down and weeps. Hoseok puts his arms around him in a tight hug.

"I didn't know what I was thinking," he cries repeatedly. "I didn't know what I was thinking."

There were a few heavy minutes of silence, save for Taehyung's sobs and Jungkook's sniffles.

"If anything happens to her, I'll never be able to forgive myself." Jin eventually says. "I'm no saint, but I never ever would intentionally hurt [Name] more than we are already doing.

"Even if we try to make things right, it might be too late. But, I still want to try because it's what she deserves. So, I won't let anyone stop me. No one can stop me," Jin looks at them one by one, lingering a little longer on Namjoon's and Yoongi's faces. He takes a deep steadying breath.

"Not any of you can stop me. Not even any of you." He shakes his head. "Not anymore."

He abruptly turns on his heels, and Jungkook runs after him.

Jin needs to see you, and he'll find a way to, even if has to go against anyone's wishes.

He'll find his way to get back to you.

(took him too long, darling. will he make it in time?)

---

In the end, Sejin did take him to the hospital. Jungkook, unsurprisingly, came with him. The younger clung onto him all the way to Yonsei, tears staining his dark shirt.

"I don't want to lose any of you, hyung." Jungkook cries, face buried in Jin's chest. "But I don't want to lose her, too."

"I know," Jin says, voice hoarse. "You won't lose me. I don't want to lose her, too." He buries his in Jungkook's soft locks, trying to keep the tears that had been threatening to spill since he sat in the back of the car.

"We'll make it right this time, Gguk-ah."

---

Jin doesn't know what to expect when the car stops in front of Yonsei Medical Center. He had a plan up until they stopped, the car running idly in the background. Now, he doesn't think he's ready to see you, too afraid of what he'll come across.

He knows he's getting ahead of himself, but he can't help but think that he might be too late, that he had already lost your heart.

No.

He takes a deep breath and steels himself.

He can do this. He can do this for you.

"You ready?" he asks Jungkook. Jin wipes at the stray remaining tears on Jungkook's face and runs his hands through the now-long hair just so he can keep his hands busy and stop them from shaking.

"I don't know, hyung." Jungkook's wide eyes are still glassy. "I'm scared."

Jin smiles gently. "Don't be. Hyung's here." He takes Jungkook's hand on his own. "We have to be strong for her if we want to do it right. Okay?"

"Okay, hyung." Jungkook nods with a small hopeful smile. "Okay."

For all the bravado that he conjured up while in the car, in the elevator, and in the hallways to the sterile room of the ICU, Jin still isn't prepared for what greets him when they take you inside your room.

They had to wait for you to be taken to your room from the operating room. The whole time they were waiting, Jin can't stop his leg from jiggling and Jungkook was no better, pacing around the room while lost in his thoughts.

Then the door opened.

He stands and gasps in sync with Jungkook's own, and he has to stop himself from falling to the floor.

When they said that you collapsed, he was thinking that maybe you were just overworked. That, and that the therapy's side effects just added to it. You'll be fine, you'll be okay.

This... this is far from what he expected. This is definitely not fine, and this is way worse.

You are hooked on different machines and it scares him to death. Your skin is pale and frail with bluish spots and rashes all over your face and skin, and your lips are almost blue. Your hands and fingers have spots of violet, green and grayish tints.

You look like death.

Jungkook breaks into sobs, calling your name as Jin stands there frozen. He only snaps out of it when one of the nurses stops Jungkook from running to your side and grasping your hand.

"We have specific instructions from her doctor not to allow skin contact with the patient, not until we know who her soulmate is," the nurse says as she wheels your bed to place, putting a hand to stop Jungkook from getting closer to the bed.

"That's us," Jungkook says as Jin steps behind him. "We're her soulmates."

If Jungkook thinks that this will make the nurse relent, he's sorely mistaken.

The nurse shakes her head resolutely. "All the more reason you are both not allowed to have skin-to-skin contact with the patient."

"What?" Jin blurts out.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss information about Miss [Last Name]'s condition," the nurse points out. "We advise waiting for Doctor Choi. He'll be here in a few minutes."

Jin is itching to just fuck it and take your hand, but he knows it would not be wise until they speak to the doctor.

Doctor Choi can't arrive fast enough.

Jin pulls Jungkook down to sit beside him as they see the nurses fuss over you. He has no choice but to resist the urge to touch and hover over you as his chest pulls him to do. He doesn't want to risk hurting or harming you further, so he sits on the couch and puts his hand on Jungkook's knee instead.

"What's taking them so long, hyung?" Jungkook's knee is jiggling, and Jin pats him gently. Jin looks calm outwardly, but his shaking hands betray him. "Why is her doctor not here yet?"

"I don't know, Gguk-ah, but we have to be patient."

Jungkook looks at him with furrowed brows. "How can you be so calm about this?" His eyes sparkle with unshed tears.

Jin laces his hand with Jungkook's, still shaking. It then dawns on Jungkook that Jin is anything but calm.

"I'm not." Jin takes a deep breath, otherwise, the tears he tries so hard to suppress will start pouring. "I'm not, but I have to."

He looks at where you're lying on the bed.

"We have to, Gguk. She needs us right now. We need to set things right, and we can't do that if we fall apart right now. Okay?"

It's then that the door to your suite opens. Jin and Jungkook both stand at the sound and in strides whom Jin recognizes as Doctor Im from his visits to you, and another doctor whom he presumes as Doctor Choi.

"Oh. Mr. Kim. Mr. Jeon," Jin and Jungkook bow slightly at the acknowledgment, "I didn't expect to see you two here."

That sends a pang to Jin's chest, but he ignores it. He knows they deserve the unintended jab.

"Should I expect the others to arrive soon?" the doctor asks.

Should they?

"We're honestly not sure, Doc." Manager Sejin, as usual, saves the day. "Kim Sejin." Sejin holds his hand out to shake the doctors' hands.

"Im Jiho, Animaelogy specialist." Doctor Im shakes his hand and points to the doctor beside him. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei Medical." The other doctor shakes Sejin's hand.

"Due to the nature of Miss [Last Name]'s case, we would have to request the rest of the security detail present to leave the room for a while. You three can stay, but that's as far as we can allow for this discussion."

Sejin nods. "That will be no problem." He nods at the two men standing by the door, who immediately bow and take their leave. The nurses slowly file out of the room as well.

The two doctors walk toward your prone figure, and Jin and Jungkook follow suit. Doctor Im makes a short check of your vitals, while Doctor Choi checks you with gentle hands and looks at your charts. Once done, the two doctors turn toward the three remaining men in the room.

"Is there someone we can talk to from Miss [Name]'s team about her overall condition and routines these past few weeks or months?" Doctor Im asks.

"We can ask Joy Song from her team, as well as Jenny Ri. They're her closest assistants, so they can provide information. I last saw them trying to contact [Name]'s lawyers." Sejin supplies.

Doctor Im nods. "I see." He takes a quick look towards you before turning back to them. "I'm afraid [Name] isn't doing too good right now.

Jungkook finds Jin's still shaking hands, lower lip trapped between his bunny teeth.

"It's a good thing that her team was able to rush her in right away. If not, the situation would have been graver than it is now."

Jin's heart stops.

"G-grave?" he asks, voice trembling. "What do you mean 'grave'?"

It's Doctor Choi who speaks this time.

"When Miss [Last Name] was brought in for the emergency surgery, we had to do an emergency septal myectomy." Doctor Choi holds up a film of a scan, presumably [Name]'s.

"This is Miss [Last Name]'s echocardiogram." He points at a white portion in the middle of the scan, and Jin's head swims. "Miss [Last Name]'s septum is drastically thicker than that of a person with a healthy heart, so it prevented healthy blood flow to the chambers of her heart. Added to the treatments she was undergoing, it caused abnormal and uneven blood flow to her heart and the rest of her body, and caused complications that were...life-threatening."

Doctor Im looks at the other doctor. "It appears that [Name] has been hiding her symptoms since our last meeting, possibly way longer, so it was left untreated."

"What happened, Doc?" Sejin asks as he looks between the two doctors. "Is she going to be okay?"

The doctors share a grim look, one that Jin notices.

"What is it?" he asks, eyes darting between the two.

"Her heart nearly gave out from the heavy stress her body was in, Mr. Kim. Her blood wasn't being properly pumped and filtered, and her immune system was heavily compromised, so she suffered from bilateral pneumonia, which also affected her bloodstream.

Doctor Im takes off his glasses and sighs heavily. "She had septic shock caused by sepsis."

"She almost didn't make it." Doctor Choi says. Jin gasps in sync with Jungkook, the latter almost collapsing to the floor. "She went into cardiac arrest on the table, but we were able to bring her back."

(jin thinks his heart can't get any more bruised than it already is. your poor heart is battered literally and metaphorically. how can he possibly fix it for you?)

(he should've never listened when they asked him to stay away from you. he should've fought for you and with you, that way you're not alone.)

"But she's going to be okay, isn't she?" Sejin asks what the other two can't, what they're too afraid to ask.

Doctor Choi pauses before he shakes his head with pursed lips. "I'm afraid we can't really tell right now. We put her in an induced coma while we try to let her body recover, and we administered treatments, which will continue within the next few days. We can only hope for the best."

"Hope for the best?!" Jungkook cries his first words since the two doctors entered the suite, and looks up at them with tears now steadily running down his cheeks. "So we do nothing?!"

"Unfortunately, so." Jungkook finally loses it and collapses onto the floor on his knees, staring into nothing. "We have done everything we could for now, and we'd have to run some more tests in a few days. But right now, we can only monitor her. An induced coma is the best bet we have to let her body rest and the for treatments to take effect."

Induced coma.

Induced coma.

Jin's head is swimming with those two words as he walks closer to your prone figure and reaches out to mindlessly grasp your hand, but a hand stops his wrist.

"I'm afraid we have to advise you not to touch or make any skin-to-skin contact with Miss [Last Name] right now, most especially since you're her soulmate."

"What?" Jin asks dumbly.

"One of the side effects of the therapy is skin burns when the person comes in contact skin-to-skin with their soulmate, so skin-to-skin contact is highly discouraged."

Jin feels like his whole being wants to shatter. He can't love you, and he can't touch you? Was this how you felt all this time?

Before he can even make any further moves, the door to your suite opens, and in bursts Jackson, panting heavily.

Jin can't even find it in himself to be mad. After all, Jackson was there when you needed someone the most. No matter how it hurts him that there's another person who holds your hand, he can't do anything about it. They weren't there for you, he wasn't there for you. The least they can do is let you find someone else to hold when you need to.

Jackson crosses the room at record speed straight to you, grasping your hand delicately with a pained gasp. His manager is tailing behind and closes the door gently.

Jackson lets go of your hand gently and turns to the doctors. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Im Jiho, Miss [Last Name]'s animaelogy physician." Jackson grasps the doctor's hand, as well as Doctor Choi's hand in a firm handshake. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei."

"Jackson Wang." He smiles politely. "Is she gonna be okay?" He repeats.

"I assume Miss [Last Name] has made you aware of her treatments since she informed me she made you her next of kin?" Doctor Im asks.

Jackson's face darkens. "Yes, she did."

Doctor Im nods his head. "I'm afraid Miss [Last Name] is not doing so well right now. We would need to keep her in a coma for a while as we observe her and let the treatments take effect."

Jackson's eyebrows furrow. "Isn't that dangerous? How long would that take?"

"We'd need to assess first within the next few days. Right now, we cannot provide or guarantee until when she will need to be, but we'll do our best, Mr. Wang. I can assure you that."

Jackson nods but turns to Jin, his gaze hardening. "This is your fault." He looks at Jungkook, then back to Jin. "Why are you two here? Who gave you the right to be here?"

"We're her soulmates," Jungkook says coldly, to which Jackson snorts. Jungkook gets up from the floor swiftly. "We have every right to be here."

"Do you, Jungkook? After you all left her, do you really think you still have the right to be here? And for what? To make sure she's dead?"

Jungkook takes an angry step closer to Jackson, his face painted with rage. "What did you fucking say, you asshole?!" Sejin, the doctors, and Jackson's manager step between them. "Say that again, you motherfucker. I fucking dare you."

"Isn't that what you came here for, to make sure she stays away for good? Isn't that what you wanted?" Jackson is red in the face as the security detail rushes to the room.

"I'm still her soulmate, know your fucking place!" Jungkook shouts back, Jin holding him back by his chest. "In the eyes of the law, we have every right to be here."

"You gave up those rights when you rejected her, so you can shove that law up your ass and fuck off." Jackson's manager holds him back by wrapping his arms around Jackson's shoulders.

Jungkook can vaguely hear the doctors speaking to Sejin, but he pays them no mind. "I'm not leaving her here alone, so you can go get fucked."

"Jungkook." Sejin holds him by his shoulders. "I think it's best if we come back another day."

"I'm not leaving her again!" Jungkook cries.

"We're all emotional, and it will not help [Name] if one of you ends up in the ER." Jungkook looks at your peaceful figure, unaware of the disorder around you, and it hurts him. He feels his hands yearn to touch you but he can't, he doesn't want to hurt you. "Come on, I'll take you and Seokjin home."

Jungkook's expression crumples as he looks at Sejin. "But—"

"We'll come back, I promise." Jungkook's breathing is heavy, but Sejin's expression is steadfast. "I promise."

Jungkook has no choice but to concede. He turns back to Jackson. "You can't keep me away from her forever. I'll come back for her."

Jackson opens his mouth to retort that you don't need them, but his manager stops him.

"I'll come back for her, and no one can stop me. Unless it comes from her mouth that she doesn't want me here, I will be here." Jungkook chances one more look at you before he shrugs off the arms around him and stalks out of the room. Jin, who had been quiet all throughout the ordeal takes one good look at you before following suit, not even sparing Jackson a glance.

No one can keep them away from you. They'll stop at nothing just to do what they should've done before—give you all the love you deserve. Until you tell them that you don't want them in your life, they'll spend forever to try and make it up to you.

And make it up to you, they will.

---

[lu-is-not-ok]

If you are still taking EGOs to analyze, have you done Sunshower / Drifting Fox?

I have not yet, so let's take a look!

Under the cut, wheeee~

Let's start with the Drifting Fox itself. Unlike most Limbus Abnormalities, for which you have to do some deep readings to recognise their themes, Drifting Fox spells out its themes quite clearly in its Observation Logs.

Here, we're dealing with the idea of feign kindness vs genuine kindness. Kindness done to make yourself feel good without thinking of whether or not it will actually help the one you're being kind to, vs kindness done because you genuinely care about the one you're being kind to.

Some other themes that can be read from this abnormality are abandonment, seeking affection, thoughtfulness behind one's actions (and lack thereof), and learned distrust.

Now, there is also the fact that Drifting Fox and its E.G.O, Sunshower, seem to have some inspiration in the Fox Rain folktale, which mostly revolves around unrequited love. However... There isn't much about Drifting Fox that seems to really connect to that theme at all. The most I can say about it is that the theme was twisted into one about the Fox struggling to accept love from others due to its bad experiences with people who pretended to love it for selfish reasons.

As such I won't really be using the folktale in the analysis, as while I'm sure some connections can be drawn between it and Sunshower E.G.O users, in my opinion they're not as important to character analysis as drawing connections to the Drifting Fox itself.

While we're talking about Sunshower E.G.O users, let's name them finally. Outis and Yi Sang. While Heathcliff uses a Lobcorp version of the E.G.O in one of his IDs, I won't be looking into it in this post because analyzing Identities is a very different process to analyzing E.G.Os, and one I'm still trying to polish. Maybe one day I'll be able to dip my toes into full ID analysis, but until then, E.G.O only.

With Yi Sang, we can definitely see Drifting Fox's themes here, especially with the context of Canto IV. After all, feign kindness is exactly what he experienced from Gubo after the League disbanded, an event that led to him feeling abandoned and distrustful of everyone but Sang Yi. Which, speaking of him, is the main person Yi Sang was seeking affection from during the time he was effectively abandoned.

Now, when it comes to Outis... We really don't know much about her or her background. However, I think one way the theme of feign kindness presents itself in her is, well, with how she acts. Outis's whole schtick is that she's pretending to be kind towards Dante, seemingly for her own benefit.

However... Something tells me it's not as simple as that. Thoughout the story, we get hints towards Outis's life. How she had to sacrifice a lot during her time on the battlefield, and hints towards some complex feeling regarding family she had to leave behind to join the war.

Does she believe she abandoned her family? Or, now that the war is over, does she think they had abandoned her in return? Is feign kindness something that only applies to her own actions? Or is it something she herself experienced as well, and had to learn how to use by herself to survive? She certainly feels like the distrusting type to me...

We don't know enough to say for sure right now, but it is certainly interesting to speculate about.

Let's move on to Sin analysis, as this is where something very interesting happens.

Sunshower is the first shared E.G.O we have that has Different Sin Damage depending on its user. This, of course, paints a very different picture of how these themes apply to each of its users.

Outis's Sunshower deals Gluttony damage. Gluttony is a Sin that represents actions done out of hunger, both hunger for survival and hunger for more. With what little we know about Outis, I think in this case we can firmly place this Gluttony as the survival type.

This implies that her own feigning of kindness is something she began doing as a way to survive what she has gone through, likely during the war and after it had ended. It could also symbolize her own distrust being a way to survive in the wake of other people feigning kindness towards her.

Yi Sang's Sunshower deals Sloth damage. Sloth is a sin that represents actions done out of apathy and inaction, which at this point is a Sin Staple for Yi Sang. This, of course, represents how he deals with feign kindness and abandonment - apathy and resignation.

When the League fell apart, Yi Sang resigned himself to following the guidance of whoever first told him what to do. When met with Gubo's feign kindness, Yi Sang responded with apathy, and resigned himself to following his orders because there was nothing else he thought he could do.

Sin requirements-wise, both Outis and Yi Sang require Sloth, Gluttony, and Gloom, while Yi Sang also adds some Pride on top of that. Let's take this one at a time.

For both Outis and Yi Sang, Sloth represents some form of resignation and/or apathy. This, of course, is extremely clear for Yi Sang, whose very character arc revolves around overcoming his depressive apathy. When it comes to Outis, I think this also applies, if in lesser amounts. Over the course of the war she participated in, she likely had learn to be complacent, to simply follow her leader's orders and not grow too attached to anyone.

Next up, Gluttony. Like with Sloth, I think this represents the same thing for both Outis and Yi Sang, that being that their actions were a way to survive the circumstances they were in. For Outis, it was the only way she could make it through the war, and the only way she can keep going after. For Yi Sang, it was the only way he could survive the League's disbanding and being captured by N Corp.

Then, we have Gloom. Gloom as a sin represents actions done under the pressure of negative emotions. It implies severe emotional stress. Knowing what we know about Outis and Yi Sang... Yeah. Yeah it makes sense for Gloom to be there. I don't think I need to go into too much detail on that.

Lastly, we have Pride for Yi Sang. Pride represents actions done purely for their benefit, while their consequences are ignored. This, I think, is meant to reflect the dilemma Yi Sang was going through during his time at N Corp. He had to do whatever Gubo was telling him to just to survive, and had to ignore the damage he would be indirectly contributing to by helping him.

Before we end off, let's briefly look at the dialogue lines.

Outis's lines are quite... interesting, in my opinion. Her Awakening line reflect the theme of rejecting feigned, meaningless kindness, which I think further affirms Outis's distrust towards others.

However, I think her Corroded line here is much more interesting. It seems to represent Outis's fear of being abandoned. Not only that, but it implies it's something that happened to her at least once before. Perhaps I wasn't that far off about the idea of Outis suffering through something herself that made her learn to feign kindness herself.

Yi Sang's lines on the other hand seem to be more focusing on his own inability to do anything about his situation. His Awakening line reflects his worries about not being able to truly help anyone, while his Corroded line seems to show him falling fully into hopelessness and lamenting over the situation only getting worse.

So, there you go! I might at some point later analyze Sunshower Heathcliff once I figure out a proper method to analyzing IDs, but that day isn't today.